Monday, July 14, 2008


I have to take a second just to throw some words together at my utter amazement at what I am seeing. While watching the home run derby, of course I am cheering for the hometown boy of Josh Hamilton. As the derby starts, we watch 7 of the best hitters in the game today throw together rounds of 3, 7, 8 max. I expect Josh to put together a good round. Maybe make it to the second round and put up a fight. His 71 year old pitching throws them right down the chute. 1
He just hit the back wall of the stadium.....seriously. Yankee stadium erupts with cheers as they see something that has never been seen or at least documented.
Good, he's going to the second round. Yankee stadium erupts with cheers of "HAM-IL-TON; HAM-IL-TON"
One away from the record with two outs left.
There is the record. Can you believe it? The story of a first round pick that blew his $4 million signing bonus of drugs and booze has Yankee staium on their feet as he sets the mark of all time.
He's not stoping.
Milton Bradley comes out take his picture with the new record holder.
Out number 9. Playfully Yankee stadium boos at the first out they have seen in a while.
They bring out the gold ball.
Out number 10 on an opposite field fly ball.
The Texas Ranger song for homeruns plays as both the American and National come in to congratulate Josh and his batting practice pitcher. Mind you he is 71 and just threw down 54 pitches and still has 2 rounds left. Erin Andrews asks how the arm is where he says "It's wore out. We don't have to go again do we?"

No matter what the hell happens for the rest of the Derby. Congrats Josh. You earned it.

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Wednesday, July 02, 2008

I've Come Back.....Giggle

Thanks for sticking around......hello?.......are you there? piss on you all anyways. It's been 526 days since my last post on here and boy alot has happened. First let me give you a little reason as to why we are where we are.
Down and Distant was a great success. We were nominated for a few Bloggie Awards and had some genius content on there from all of our contributers. We mad a shit-ton of money and had so much blow and STDs that we don't know what to do with ourselves. Ok. We did have alot of greatness on there, but not to the extent that we had planned so we are taking a little break to "rethink our corporate strategies". This of course means writing better crap more often and not just drunk dialing each other talking about how great this idea is that we have and then forgetting it when the sobering light of the sun glistens our puffy, alcohol ridden face. Stay tuned to D&D for more greatness to come. It will come right in your face!
So if you can't tell I haven't changed. Things are good with the Duke of Pooningham and that's about all the mushy shit I want to get into. You want to know about me, text me or give me a call. You know who you are you Rockwall dick knockers.

Well I wanted to make sure to touch base with all of me that reads this and let me know that I am writing again to me on a more regular basis. I do have one thing I want to share.

Well I have officially given up on humanity. Turns out that the artist formerly known as God is not Adrian Peterson. It is not a white bearded super genius that created the universe by rubbing two toothpicks together. It is not Alanis Morissette. It is a fat black man. God help I mean someone help us. Now that you think of it, I guess it kinda makes sense. Taking advantage of some virgin white chick. Not liking the golden idol. You know its Plat all the way beeotch. Hanging out with some dude nicknamed Moses. Hell, I'm pretty sure that Moses is the greeter at my local Wal-Mart. His nametag says so. F-me. At least I can sit down and watch Tim Russert to help me regain my faith in humanity.

He what.....

Well son of a........

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Done and Done

Ok, guys. I hate to say goodbye, but the new blog is semi up and running. On the right is a link to Down and Distant and it will be the blog from here on out until the actually website is going strong. I will still post here from time to time, but the D and D blog is great. I encourage you to check it out because its not just 200 words of crap from me, it's 200 words of crap from me and some other guys. See you there.

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Friday, January 19, 2007

Hot Lezbo Action

In a desperate cry for attention (at least a desperate cry for hits), I am bringing you nothing other than dirty, hot, naked, making out, drunk, horny, lezbo action at its finest.
AHHHH, DEAR GOD ALMIGHTY!!! Jesus, I'm sorry for that. I had it labeled as something different. Actually I wanted to share a little tidbit of information I stumbled across. The reason that I am putting it on here is because I am pretty sure that I am the first person to find this and I want recognition for it. Ready.............Sure????????OK.......
No exclamation point, it doesn't deserve it. I was watching the NFL replay on NFL Network that I get because I don't have pisswad cable like some of you other poor hooligans. (I use that card as much as I can, sorry.....switch already) They were showing some shots of the crowd and I'll be darned, nothing. I even went down to the level of searching for the ones that aren't as bad as the others, but that kind of was a failure too. I feel sorry for the people that go down there anytime other than Mardi Gras to get laid. Utter disappointment.
So I beg you people from the The Big Bath Tub, prove me wrong. Send me email of hot women down there so that I do not completely give up hope for your city. If that doesn't work, then at least paint your faces next time......for me.

TroPOONcal Storm

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

My Yearly Prayer.....

In my yearly prayer to that jokester in the sky, I ask for alot of selfish stuff, because I'm selfish. Some say that prayers aren't meant for stuff like this, but I think Jesus just likes hearing from me. And on with the show....

"Jesus walks into a bar and the everyone in the bar says, "JESUS CHRIST!" Woody says, "How's life treating you Mr. Christ?" Jesus says, "
Well, the plot's okay, Woody, but it kind of falls apart at the end."
"Makin' your way in the world today takes everything you got.........

Man, that was a great show Jesus. How did you ever come up with some of those one-liners amazes me. And don't get me started on Cliff. Hilarious. Is it sac to tell jokes to Jesus about Jesus while you are praying to Jesus? Well, from here on, I'll keep that in mind. Well, it's playoff time and I guess we should have a chat. You kind of pulled one over on me last year with the whole "I'm gonna throw the 'Skins in the playoffs and get them a win just to tease Brett." That was kind of rude, but I won't dwell on that. I forgive you. You did make up for it a bit this year with the fried chicken craving you gave Romo before the Seahawks game. Thanks, I owe you one. And don't go thinking that means I'm going to church, don't get greedy on me.

We are down to 4 teams now and I must say, not that happy. Peyton vs. Brady again? Please. Stop. Seriously. It was kind of fun the first couple of times, but I'm tired of Jaws getting all gay on me during SC about how much of a stud Brady is and how giant Peyton's cock is. Just tired of it, ok? Now, if you want to make up for that bath you gave The Big Dirty, give them a win this weekend. If you don't, I'm pretty sure that you will lose alot of your income from that area. If nothing else, get someone on a mission to start a free swimming class down there. (too soon?) No? Ok, I guess what you say goes.

Well, I won't talk to you again before the Super Bowl, so give me something to watch. Please for the love of your dad, give me a shootout. Maybe the Saints over the Colts in a 67-54 game? I mean fucking give me something!!! Oh, sorry I forgot. Well until next year, keep watching over me when I drink and I'll keep using your name as much as possible giving you some free advertising. I'm going to start charging you for that! LOL! Just kidding. Later dude."

Poon 3:16

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Happy Times Football Hour on CBS

While watching the NFL Today show on CBS, I got so pissed off at those shitwads that I had to throw down a couple of words. I started thinking of how mediocre their crew is and then they bring out Greg "oh God why did you curse me with being black" Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf-on football. I would rather Lou Holtz read the entire Bible to me than listen to these studs. I started thinking that if I had a party, would it be worth it to have the celebs there eventhough it was the CBS crew? I'll give you a rundown of my e-vite...


Dan Marino - Nutrisystem can't be that bad to eat, so he's in
James Brown - Token black guy.....enough said
Greg Gumbel - Token white guy....enough said
Sam Ryan and Lesley Visser - Token sluts, and I think they will be fun if I'm drunk....and they don't talk.....and they don't resist too much......what?
Dick Enberg - hahaha, Dick....
Every Louisville Cheerleader - Especially her


Boomer Esiason - Son's story all night would depress me
Shannon Sharpe - Not enough carrots and salt licks to keep him from talking all night
Jim Nantz - Douche
Dan Dierdorf - Moustache almost saved you from the out list, but you have a lisp that would make Cindy Brady jealous
Randy Cross - I think he made that name up and until I find out otherwise, OUT
Phil Simms - Jesus, are you serious? Cheesedick.
Michael Strahan and Jared - There couldn't be enough free Subway to let this duo in my place

By the way, the cheerleader pic is just to ease the pain for the guys that don't get into the party....and the USC girl is invited.

Poon Party

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Well kids, it's over. My long battle with hair has finally ended. Today I cut it all off. Here are some before and after pictures.
Apparently, shorter hair makes me look 60 pounds heavier. Okay, you got me. Here is the real before picture.
Dear Jesus, I should have left Matt up there instead of that fat ass....oh shit that's me. Well, on that note let's get into some sports. By sports, of course I mean some shit that's not football for some reason because it's winding down and SportsCenter doesn't cover anything other than NBA and NHL during the week.

I really didn't talk much about the Cowboys loss yesterday, but good lord i will today. Being a Redskins fan, I did like the fact that they lost in Seattle to the sack-of-shit-hawks. Damn I hate that bald guy and Alexander which has a gap so big that it could fit a toothpick through....horizontal. So it's the battle of crap for me. I just dislike Dallas more. With that said, I do feel somewhat sorry for Tony Homo. That's a tough deal to get through especially when I was sitting directly behind the Cowboys bench. Everytime that they said, "There's a flag on the field." I would say, "There's a homo on the bench!" and point to Tony. I'm hilarious. There is one thing that I did wonder while I was watching Miles Austin return the kickoff for a touchdown..... If he played in NFL Europe, would his name be Kilometers Austin? I'm pretty sure it would and it would probably make his stock go down.

Tune in tomorrow for something I'm going to start doing on either Wednesday's or Thursday's from here on out. "What's on their Blackberry?"