A Day In The Life Of........

WOW.........

2008-07-14T20:40:00.002-05:00

I have to take a second just to throw some words together at my utter amazement at what I am seeing. While watching the home run derby, of course I am cheering for the hometown boy of Josh Hamilton. As the derby starts, we watch 7 of the best hitters in the game today throw together rounds of 3, 7, 8 max. I expect Josh to put together a good round. Maybe make it to the second round and put up a fight. His 71 year old pitching throws them right down the chute. 1
2
He just hit the back wall of the stadium.....seriously. Yankee stadium erupts with cheers as they see something that has never been seen or at least documented.
3
4
7
Good, he's going to the second round. Yankee stadium erupts with cheers of "HAM-IL-TON; HAM-IL-TON"
10
13
16
20
23
One away from the record with two outs left.
24
There is the record. Can you believe it? The story of a first round pick that blew his $4 million signing bonus of drugs and booze has Yankee staium on their feet as he sets the mark of all time.
25
He's not stoping.
27
28
Milton Bradley comes out take his picture with the new record holder.
Out number 9. Playfully Yankee stadium boos at the first out they have seen in a while.
They bring out the gold ball.
Out number 10 on an opposite field fly ball.
The Texas Ranger song for homeruns plays as both the American and National come in to congratulate Josh and his batting practice pitcher. Mind you he is 71 and just threw down 54 pitches and still has 2 rounds left. Erin Andrews asks how the arm is where he says "It's wore out. We don't have to go again do we?"

No matter what the hell happens for the rest of the Derby. Congrats Josh. You earned it.

I've Come Back.....Giggle

2008-07-02T18:48:00.004-05:00

Thanks for sticking around......hello?.......are you there?......aw piss on you all anyways. It's been 526 days since my last post on here and boy alot has happened. First let me give you a little reason as to why we are where we are.
Down and Distant was a great success. We were nominated for a few Bloggie Awards and had some genius content on there from all of our contributers. We mad a shit-ton of money and had so much blow and STDs that we don't know what to do with ourselves. Ok. We did have alot of greatness on there, but not to the extent that we had planned so we are taking a little break to "rethink our corporate strategies". This of course means writing better crap more often and not just drunk dialing each other talking about how great this idea is that we have and then forgetting it when the sobering light of the sun glistens our puffy, alcohol ridden face. Stay tuned to D&D for more greatness to come. It will come right in your face!
So if you can't tell I haven't changed. Things are good with the Duke of Pooningham and that's about all the mushy shit I want to get into. You want to know about me, text me or give me a call. You know who you are you Rockwall dick knockers.

Well I wanted to make sure to touch base with all of me that reads this and let me know that I am writing again to me on a more regular basis. I do have one thing I want to share.

Well I have officially given up on humanity. Turns out that the artist formerly known as God is not Adrian Peterson. It is not a white bearded super genius that created the universe by rubbing two toothpicks together. It is not Alanis Morissette. It is a fat black man. God help us......er I mean someone help us. Now that you think of it, I guess it kinda makes sense. Taking advantage of some virgin white chick. Not liking the golden idol. You know its Plat all the way beeotch. Hanging out with some dude nicknamed Moses. Hell, I'm pretty sure that Moses is the greeter at my local Wal-Mart. His nametag says so. F-me. At least I can sit down and watch Tim Russert to help me regain my faith in humanity.

He what.....

Well son of a........

Done and Done

2007-01-24T18:37:00.000-06:00

Ok, guys. I hate to say goodbye, but the new blog is semi up and running. On the right is a link to Down and Distant and it will be the blog from here on out until the actually website is going strong. I will still post here from time to time, but the D and D blog is great. I encourage you to check it out because its not just 200 words of crap from me, it's 200 words of crap from me and some other guys. See you there.

Hot Lezbo Action

2007-01-19T20:31:00.000-06:00

In a desperate cry for attention (at least a desperate cry for hits), I am bringing you nothing other than dirty, hot, naked, making out, drunk, horny, lezbo action at its finest.
AHHHH, DEAR GOD ALMIGHTY!!! Jesus, I'm sorry for that. I had it labeled as something different. Actually I wanted to share a little tidbit of information I stumbled across. The reason that I am putting it on here is because I am pretty sure that I am the first person to find this and I want recognition for it. Ready.............Sure????????OK.......
NEW ORLEANS HAS SOME FUCKING UGLY PEOPLE.
No exclamation point, it doesn't deserve it. I was watching the NFL replay on NFL Network that I get because I don't have pisswad cable like some of you other poor hooligans. (I use that card as much as I can, sorry.....switch already) They were showing some shots of the crowd and I'll be darned, nothing. I even went down to the level of searching for the ones that aren't as bad as the others, but that kind of was a failure too. I feel sorry for the people that go down there anytime other than Mardi Gras to get laid. Utter disappointment.
So I beg you people from the The Big Bath Tub, prove me wrong. Send me email of hot women down there so that I do not completely give up hope for your city. If that doesn't work, then at least paint your faces next time......for me.

TroPOONcal Storm

My Yearly Prayer.....

2007-01-16T09:01:00.000-06:00

In my yearly prayer to that jokester in the sky, I ask for alot of selfish stuff, because I'm selfish. Some say that prayers aren't meant for stuff like this, but I think Jesus just likes hearing from me. And on with the show....

"Jesus walks into a bar and the everyone in the bar says, "JESUS CHRIST!" Woody says, "How's life treating you Mr. Christ?" Jesus says, "Well, the plot's okay, Woody, but it kind of falls apart at the end."
"Makin' your way in the world today takes everything you got.........

Man, that was a great show Jesus. How did you ever come up with some of those one-liners amazes me. And don't get me started on Cliff. Hilarious. Is it sac to tell jokes to Jesus about Jesus while you are praying to Jesus? Well, from here on, I'll keep that in mind. Well, it's playoff time and I guess we should have a chat. You kind of pulled one over on me last year with the whole "I'm gonna throw the 'Skins in the playoffs and get them a win just to tease Brett." That was kind of rude, but I won't dwell on that. I forgive you. You did make up for it a bit this year with the fried chicken craving you gave Romo before the Seahawks game. Thanks, I owe you one. And don't go thinking that means I'm going to church, don't get greedy on me.

We are down to 4 teams now and I must say, not that happy. Peyton vs. Brady again? Please. Stop. Seriously. It was kind of fun the first couple of times, but I'm tired of Jaws getting all gay on me during SC about how much of a stud Brady is and how giant Peyton's cock is. Just tired of it, ok? Now, if you want to make up for that bath you gave The Big Dirty, give them a win this weekend. If you don't, I'm pretty sure that you will lose alot of your income from that area. If nothing else, get someone on a mission to start a free swimming class down there. (too soon?) No? Ok, I guess what you say goes.

Well, I won't talk to you again before the Super Bowl, so give me something to watch. Please for the love of your dad, give me a shootout. Maybe the Saints over the Colts in a 67-54 game? I mean fucking give me something!!! Oh, sorry I forgot. Well until next year, keep watching over me when I drink and I'll keep using your name as much as possible giving you some free advertising. I'm going to start charging you for that! LOL! Just kidding. Later dude."

Poon 3:16

Happy Times Football Hour on CBS

2007-01-13T15:37:00.000-06:00

While watching the NFL Today show on CBS, I got so pissed off at those shitwads that I had to throw down a couple of words. I started thinking of how mediocre their crew is and then they bring out Greg "oh God why did you curse me with being black" Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf-on football. I would rather Lou Holtz read the entire Bible to me than listen to these studs. I started thinking that if I had a party, would it be worth it to have the celebs there eventhough it was the CBS crew? I'll give you a rundown of my e-vite...

IN

Dan Marino - Nutrisystem can't be that bad to eat, so he's in
James Brown - Token black guy.....enough said
Greg Gumbel - Token white guy....enough said
Sam Ryan and Lesley Visser - Token sluts, and I think they will be fun if I'm drunk....and they don't talk.....and they don't resist too much......what?
Dick Enberg - hahaha, Dick....
Every Louisville Cheerleader - Especially her

OUT

Boomer Esiason - Son's story all night would depress me
Shannon Sharpe - Not enough carrots and salt licks to keep him from talking all night
Jim Nantz - Douche
Dan Dierdorf - Moustache almost saved you from the out list, but you have a lisp that would make Cindy Brady jealous
Randy Cross - I think he made that name up and until I find out otherwise, OUT
Phil Simms - Jesus, are you serious? Cheesedick.
Michael Strahan and Jared - There couldn't be enough free Subway to let this duo in my place

By the way, the cheerleader pic is just to ease the pain for the guys that don't get into the party....and the USC girl is invited.

Poon Party

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2007-01-10T17:22:00.000-06:00

Well kids, it's over. My long battle with hair has finally ended. Today I cut it all off. Here are some before and after pictures.
Apparently, shorter hair makes me look 60 pounds heavier. Okay, you got me. Here is the real before picture.
Dear Jesus, I should have left Matt up there instead of that fat ass....oh shit that's me. Well, on that note let's get into some sports. By sports, of course I mean some shit that's not football for some reason because it's winding down and SportsCenter doesn't cover anything other than NBA and NHL during the week.

I really didn't talk much about the Cowboys loss yesterday, but good lord i will today. Being a Redskins fan, I did like the fact that they lost in Seattle to the sack-of-shit-hawks. Damn I hate that bald guy and Alexander which has a gap so big that it could fit a toothpick through....horizontal. So it's the battle of crap for me. I just dislike Dallas more. With that said, I do feel somewhat sorry for Tony Homo. That's a tough deal to get through especially when I was sitting directly behind the Cowboys bench. Everytime that they said, "There's a flag on the field." I would say, "There's a homo on the bench!" and point to Tony. I'm hilarious. There is one thing that I did wonder while I was watching Miles Austin return the kickoff for a touchdown..... If he played in NFL Europe, would his name be Kilometers Austin? I'm pretty sure it would and it would probably make his stock go down.

Tune in tomorrow for something I'm going to start doing on either Wednesday's or Thursday's from here on out. "What's on their Blackberry?"

Poon

Traveling Woes

2007-01-09T21:00:00.000-06:00

Well my humble followers, I've come back from the desert, but don't call it a comeback 'cause I've been here for years. After spending 4 days hob-knobbing with Buckeyes, I must say....I drink the Kool-Aid. I'm sold. You might be able to call me a bandwagoner if we had won, but it has nothing to do with the game. The thing that has me caught up in the scarlet and gray comes down to 2 things, tradition and TBDBITL. I think that the real point that I was hooked was at the pep rally at Chase Field on Sunday. Just seeing 37,000 tOSU fans pack in a stadium to pump up themselves and their team amazes me. I have never seen fans like that in my life and I am completely at awe. As far as the game goes, I really don't want to talk about it too much. The fact that we were up by 7 with 14:44 left in the first really got us going, but that was about it. It was a blast just to be part of this whole deal. Tailgating started at about 1 for us and between keg stands and Maker's Mark, I was a happy man going into the game.

Well, other than that little piece, I don't have much to say today. I just needed to get on here and throw down some sick lyrics for you beeotches. I will leave you with a few pictures of the journey. By the way, if you ever get a chance to do baggage cart races up and down the hallway of your hotel drunk at 3am, I would highly recommend it.

Oh, to answer your question....the airport is FUCKING CROWDED during bowl games.

POON

Friday Conversation with El Dorado Owens

2007-01-05T16:42:00.000-06:00

Will all the clout that I pull around with me, I called up my close friend T.O. to get a brief interview before the playoff game in Seattle tomorrow. I would like to thank him and his publicist for the interview.

Poon: First of all, thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to do the interview with me.

T.O.: No problem, I love football.

Poon: That's great. So how are things up there?

T.O.: Rain.

Poon: Like every other day in Seattle, huh? (laughing)

T.O.: What? I just wanna play my game and hopefully pull out a win.

Poon: So what do you expect to do tomorrow in the game?

T.O.: Play.

Poon: Well said from Chattanooga's finest.

T.O.: You know, I just play my game.

Poon: Sounds good. So are you going to say anything worth while on this call because you are beating me down.

T.O.: If I was any other receiver in the league, it wouldn't be a big deal.

Poon: Yeah it would. Have you heard yourself talk?

T.O.: Hold on.

Kim Etheredge: Terrell has 25 million reasons to hear himself speak.

Poon: What the fuck does that mean?

Kim: (whispering)Pass that bottle over here.

Poon: You guys drinking already? It's 730am Seattle time.

Kim: No baby, I'm so fucked up on codeine I can barely stand up.

T.O.: Yo dawg I'm gonna have to let you go, this bitch is getting naked.

Poon: Have you seen her? She's like Condoleezza Rice with Downs Syndrome.

T.O.: Yeah bitch, you get in that hyperbaric chamber.

Poon: Ok, I'll call back.

*click*

Well, that got out of hand quick. I don't know what goes through that crazy motherfucker's mind sometimes, but he sure is fun to hang out with.

Prediction
Seattle 27
Dallas 13

Also, I am taking off tomorrow for Glendale for the BCS Championship game. I will drink one for everyone that reads this. So 2 beers it is.

Prediction 2
tOSU 34
Gaytors 24

Poondale, Arizona

OUT!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

2007-01-04T17:18:00.000-06:00

Yes, you are at the right place. Decided to do a little redecorating inbetween changing my shelf paper and eating cheez-its. I finally got the title bar up there and as you can see, I'm very creative. With the butt-piracy out of the way, let's get to something important. JaMarcusDelRayRayaNique Russell is a stud. Period. At least on paper he is. A mobile QB coming out of college can't go wrong in the pros.....well, except for Aaron Brooks. I can't remember a time where a running quarterback failed to lead his team to the pinnacle of the NFL. Remember when McNabb won the Super....ahhh, maybe when McNair rolled over the....well, I've made my point. Hey don't get me wrong, I love watching Vick and Young on TV, but you will not win with a running quarterback. They sell seats and put on a great show, but no win. So with that said, what do you do? Pass up on him and let someone else take a chance or do you take the chance yourself and give it a shot? Being a Redskins fan, I say take that mofo and give me a show. Do you think Tennessee fans are bummed about missing the playoffs or stoked about how Vince played this year? As I said earlier, Russell is a stud and should just call it a day in college and come out while his stock is high. Get the big contract and get the hell out of the swamp.
On a lighter note, Mark McGwire is said to receive 26.8% of votes for the Hall of Fame today, short of the 75% needed to get it. Well, personally I don't believe the whole steroid talk...

Oh, nevermind.

PePe LePoon

2007-01-02T21:02:00.000-06:00

First of all, I usually don't double post on any given day, but I could not resist getting this out there ASAP. Also If this guy was black he (for good reasons) would have been shot by now. I'm actually embarassed to be white just because of this video. If God does exist, this man is sterile and by no means can spread his disease. Last note....PK, I'm sorry to put this on here because......well.......he's a Buckeye fan. Again, I can't say enough that I'm sorry for this.

Please send any hate mail or kudos to my email in my profile. Thanks.

2007-01-02T11:11:00.000-06:00

Welcome to 2007 my followers. In China, this is said to be the year of the Won-Ton, but here in Plano, it's the year of the B. This is the first time I can remember being somewhat excited about the new year. I went through alot of shit in 2006 and this year is my year to be selfish. This year is about me. Not going into a whole lot of detail because you don't want to hear it, but just a little fyi for all of you that are still recovering from the Sunday night parties like myself.

Here are a couple of things I plan to do in 2007......

1. Start a cult
-Hey I look good in purple and I like Kool-Aid, what can go wrong?

2. Finish the movie
-You might have to go back a year in posts to understand this if you don't know what I'm talking about, but I've been working on the son-of-a-bitch for 2 years and still don't have a title.

3. The new blog
-Much more details to come with this. It's going to be quite amazing.

4. Stop watching so much DIY, HGTV and FOOD network
-I LOVE Rachael Ray, and I can't get enought Kitchen Renovation. Don't even get me started on Flip This House. I feel like I get gayer by the minute watching those channels and sitting around eating my artichoke dip that Rachael taught me how to make in 30 minutes or less.

5. Stop eating artichoke dip
-Thanks KSK

6. Buy a CD
-This one might be tough to accomplish now that we can get them for free on the internet.....What? That's illegal? Disregard that last sentence.

7. Find career stats for Dominck Williams
-Don't know why I can't find this bastard.

8. Call bullshit more on a daily basis
-Like the Dodge commercial with the Rock-em Sock-em Robots, his head wouldn't blow off unless he actually got hit or he malfunctions. Take that big blue motherfucker back to Toys R Us where he came from. Bullshit.

9. Find a dusty TV and draw a penis on it
-Nothing is funnier than seeing a dusty penis just as your favorite show goes to commercial.

Ok, I'm done. Let's see how many of those I can check off my list by the end of the year. I say I will do 8 out of 9. We will see.

Adios Muchachos

B

2006-12-29T23:48:00.000-06:00

No, not that......

Shit, not that......what the fuck....

What the hell? Not that shit. Fuck it.

Ok, that blew harder than a freshman at a senior prom and I don't even think that I'm going in the right direction of where I want to go. Oh well, stick with me and we might learn something. As I sat at a local bar drinking tonight with a friend, I noticed a man desperately trying to make the midnight last call for ass. As I watched the poor soul sweep the damsel in distress off of her feet, I finally have enough to write about to where I can tell you poor shits what not to do. I also have to give a little thanks as we go along to some that have pointed out very obvious things to me in the past few weeks. And away weee gooooooo!!!!!

1. Pick up lines are not only pick up lines, but screams for desperation. If you can't sit there and start a normal conversation without using such cheesedick lines as "what's a pretty lady like you doing in a place like this?" (thanks Baker), just don't do it at all. I can strike up a conversation with a priest about an 8 year old with less akward lines than that and probably still get some ass at the end of the night if I play my holy cards right.

2. Drinks are a good starting point, but not a good thighmaster. Buying a girl a beer is one thing, but piling on shot after shot will not only lead to sloppy STD ridden sex with a girl that looks like Anna Nicole Smith (circa 2002), but also possibly a whiskey dick for yourself or a passing out on the way home from your significantly drunk other. And when I say STD, I'm not talking the good kind that makes you ribbed for her pleasure, but I'm talking the puss filled kind that shows up like mud butt at an interview.....not wanted, but cleansing non the less.

3. Paying for the tab doesn't guarantee sex. I will say that it helps, but not a guarantee. You need to for sure lock that shit up before handing over the 21% credit card that rapes you every month and still leaves you with a hearty helping of Sex Games : Cancun on cable. Look it up....I'm watching it as I type.

4. Talking about yourself is good, if you want to be an arrogant dickwad. Talk about her. Seriously......what? No, seriously. Oh, wow! You drive a new BMW? Those shoes cost you $300? Girls don't give two shits about that stuff. That just means you have a small penis and are looking for every reason to take her mind off of it while you are trying to get your 2 minutes of pleasure in just before you roll over and ask her to leave. You, sir are a dickwad of the highest power.....Did I mention that I bought new shoes and a new BMW. Not bragging, just saying.

5. This is my last one since I am tired and ready to watch the episodes of Family Guy that I have tivo'd. By the way, that doesn't make me a douche because its 1130 on Friday night and I would rather entertain my inner child than go out and pull wool. I have four words for you....eat shit. Ok, the last point, the drunker you get, the funnier you get. Or so you are told. This guy that was beside me kept telling these girls, "Isn't my friend hilarious? I told him he should do stand-up." That choade grease wasn't funny, but more irritating. Loud. Doing voices. Give it up. There will be no sex for you tonight sir, unless your buddy thinks you are funny enough to talk him into giving you road head on the way home. Not unseen, just unnecessary. No need for gay sex just because your friend is funny. Not funny HAHA, funny queer. You are just like the Looney Poon himself, you are a fucking riot in your own mind. When it comes down to it, let the party come to you. Don't oversell yourself. Also, if you think that you are ready to tie one on, you usually need to stop unless you are looking for the whiskey dick factor to come into place. (read point 2)

If you follow these simple rules I will not guarantee sex for you, but I will guarantee that you will have a better shot. Listen I know quite a bit about pulling ass from random bars, I'm what you call a professional at it. Hell, just tonight I............ok, bad example. But this past week with this one chick we..........not really. No, for real about a month ago I had this girl in the palm of my hands and the she said............fuck you got me again.

Fuck it. Do the opposite of anything I tell you and you'll end up like this guy if you're lucky.

Beauty and the Poon

2006-12-24T11:46:00.000-06:00

".....Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night." Wasn't that a nice story? Well children, it's off to bed with you or Santa will not stop by tonight.

Isn't Christmas grand? I know that your family as well as mine, gather together around the fireplace that we don't have here in Texas and sing carrols, drink non-alcoholic egg nog and nuzzle up with the one you love to put a great cap on the season and the year.

..........ok, stop laughing. You're holiday is just like mine. You drink.....you stop drinking to be around the family......drink on the way home......exchange $25 giftcards that everyone gets each other which is basically a wash so there is no point in it.....go home and drink cheap red wine alone while watching "It's a Wonderful Life of Fucking" which is a Christmas based porn while you cry yourself to sleep. Oh, how I love the holidays. So, with that said.....here is my list of what I am thankful for.......

I. William Cullen
You drink your beer and spirits this season and you thank Jack, Jose (blah), Miller, Agustus, but you fail to appreciate the man who invented the refridgerator. Yes, Mr. Cullen, you are the man of whom I am thankful for this holiday season.

II. Scott and Bill Rasmussen
The hardcore Bristol fans will know the father/son combo that started my plague of not being able to hold a conversation that is not sports related. "Oh yeah that Miss USA thing......I heard about that. Did you see where PHX's win streak came to an end though...I mean that's news!" Yes, they are the founders of ESPN, the Excellence in Sports Performance Network. They have launched a problem that will continue in my life for years to come. However, I also think they had a hand in the ESPY's and for that, they will not get a Cadbury Egg Award for Easter. (stay tuned)

III. Whoever the hell created HD
Good God! This dude is a fucking genius. Look at that picture on NFL Network HD and you just point a finger (not middle) to the sky and say "I owe you one." Then realize that your service provider doesn't offer NFL Network and point a finger to the sky and say "You got me again you sneaky bastard."

IV. The guy that made this video and the people who starred in it.

V. The last and most important of all.....YOU
Cheezy? Yes. Appreciative...kinda. Thankful....sure. Well, in the next few weeks, those of you who have stuck through all the shitty blogs that I have posted partially drunk and rubbing sand in my vagina because of the heartbreak will see a brand new era starting. Stay tuned for more info, but you will not be disappointed.

Well, Merry Christmas to all of you who read this. (all 2 of you) May your holidays be safe and happy and try to remember that you only have to see them a couple of times a year so try not to go off on you relatives too much.....you will be home soon and you can break open the cheap red wine. Play grabass with your cousin like you did when you were young, and keep starring at your brother's wife's scantily clad hooters and akwardly look away when she catches you. Act like you need another Christmas sweater with a big puffy Rudolf nose and try not to acknowledge your grandmother's gas. I know I will.

Happy Holidays

Brett
(you see how sincere I get around the holidays?)

2006-12-21T20:48:00.000-06:00

Genius. The pride of the wolverines shows his true colors on national television....is retarded idiot ass a color? Yep, I see it in my 128 count of crayola crayons. (Yeah 128 count bitch. That's how I roll.) Persimmon? Got it. Lemon? Got it. Fucking Cocoa, Coffee, Chocolate, I got all those bitches. Sorry, I like to brag on the crayons, back to my point. If none of you scholars knew from the video, Texas is not Texas A&M. I know you might have thought that us down here in Texas just have enough brains combined to pack our stallions into one college campus. Ok, maybe we do, but we have a few colleges here and they are different. Thank you Desmond "got the award because I perfected the pose" Howard. You remind me why I hate the blue. If you would like to see his apology, I couldn't find it, but I'm sure it's out there. It's really moving.......by moving I mean like my bowels after a good 3am Taco Bell run in New Jersey. Well I'm going to get back to this Thursday night barn burner on the NFL Network that I get. Sorry to rub that in there Time Warner kids. This game is moving at the speed of pot and I am about to change it to the BYU/Oregon game I think. Get bent Desmond Howard-youstillontv. I stretched that, but deal with it.

Duck Billed Platypoon

2006-12-20T11:13:00.000-06:00

TAH DAH!!!!! I'm back and better than ever. You miss me? Well f you too. Actually if you are on here, then you did miss me. Sorry for earlier, I get somewhat trigger happy with the f you's. And on with the big show...

First of all I would like to thank the thousands of emails and letters I received the past week being sick and all. My loyal fans truly helped the through the fight with allergies. I couldn't have done it without you. I really liked the one that I got from my close friend Michael Irvin, "powder your nose and call me in the morning. :)" He's such a great guy, and yes he did do the smiley face thing.....that's how he rolls.

On to the good stuff. I ran across something today that I found somewhat strange. The fucking olympics happened this year? Wow. How did Dominique Dawes do? What about the USA basketball team? Oh they didn't play? It's the winter olympics? That must be why I don't give a shit. Don't get me wrong, I can blame alot of stuff this year on alcohol (see most other posts), but I didn't catch the Olympics? Should I be ashamed or grateful? Could I end more sentences with question marks? Could I BEEE anymore annoying? (Friends reference just fyi)
Well, I'm sorry. I don't think this makes me a bad American, just ahead of my time. When you re-read this in 3 years right before the next Olympics, it will remind you to watch them. I feel like I am just doing a good deed for my fellow Americans ahead of time. Nah, I know you won't watch anymore than I will. In all honesty, I would rather watch a Sister Sister marathon dubed over with Fran Drescher's voice before I watched Women's 1800km Cross Country Skiing with no commercial interruptions. I remember in 2002 watching the speed skating competition and seeing them speed around the ice like a cat chasing a laser pointer on a newly waxed floor then they just slowed down. What? Oh, it's over. No buzz, no gun? It's their deal and I have no say so.
And as the days pass until I again get to enjoy not watching the Olympics, I will wait patiently and hoping that my submission for the Downhill Topless Intertube Race will be accepted. Even if that does happen, I will only be watching in 4 minute spurts every 45 minutes or so. Yes, that's a masterbation reference.

Willy Wanka

2006-12-12T14:12:00.000-06:00

Ya Wall....I went into work this morning kinda stuffy nosed and all, but didn't really affect the morning so much. After about 11am rolled past, it hit me. Go home and get some rest because my job is not that important. Don't get me wrong, I do important stuff, but it can be done from the house and not force myself into situations where I get sicker. It's nothing bad....stuffy nose, a little nasal leakage and maybe a brief cough here and there. It will be done in a few days. So I stopped by the local Thomas Thumberson to grab all of the juice I could get my hands on and I will dope myself silly with Vitamin C for the next 24 hours or so until this goes away like the career of the Salute Your Shorts cast.
I don't have much to say on this average Tuesday afternoon, I just wanted to keep myself somewhat occupado so the day doesn't seem like it takes forever. You know kind of like the first half of the MNF game last night took forever. BEATING.

While I have a little material on my mind and before the drugs kick in, I just want to give big kudos to Devin Hester. You may have come from the U, you may show soon that you have a bigger ego than Kellen Winslow II, you may have a horrible career and people only know you for your rookie season, but you are a record holder. Congrats on the 6th return for a TD this season breaking the all-time record of 5. Watch for this kid. He is a stud. Oh yeah by the way, he also got burnt on a Tori Holt touchdown in the second quarter. Eh, he's a rookie.

Medicine kicking in....POON kicking out.

Daniel POONe

2006-12-07T22:20:00.000-06:00

Oh that? That's my upstairs neighbor. Yes, it's Kersee herself. Well, at least it's going to make a decent story on here. Or would you rather hear me go off on tangents like I have been doing for the past few days? Now shut it and listen up mo-fo's.
Since I moved in here, there has been a nightly track meet going on upstairs from me. I'm pretty sure that the 100m hurdles and maybe even the high jump at times are going on. I have always wondered what exactly was going on up there so I decided to take a little look myself. I went upstairs just after the gun shot to start the race and peeked in the door. What did I find? That's right JJK herself doing the hurdles in her apartment. Maybe just staying in running condition, or maybe practicing for the next Olympics. Either way, it's fucking loud. I asked her if she would mind doing that outside instead of in her apartment (which somehow is ten times bigger than mine on the inside). She said, "Hey! Get the hell out of my place bitch before I roll a nine out on you cracker ass cracker."
That was enough for me. I quietly came downstairs and listened to the games go on for the rest of the night. I actually think that she took home the gold up there. Good for her I guess.
Ok, I have been drinking a little bit so that's not completely true. I do have a loud ass upstairs neighbor and it does sound like they are doing the hurdles until all hours of the night. I'm not saying that they are or aren't, but it sounds like it. Just thought I would let all of my followers know.

On a lighter note, I was informed last night that POON is not a good name for me. I know with all that has been going on, POON is somewhat a light name that will get run over. Well, I can't get rid of POON as my name. I'm sorry. I did capatalize it which makes it somewhat ok I think, but I know what they are getting at. I'm going to throw a couple of names out there and see what kind of feedback I get. Let me know of any suggestions.
POONH8R
POONTASTIC
POONERATOR
BENNY AND POON
A POON AT THE ROXBURY
WILLY WONKA AND THE POON FACTORY

I said I have been drinking so I think I'll get off of here before I embarass myself more. Give me some ideas. Until then.........

POON out

2006-12-06T19:18:00.000-06:00

I give out alot of this on my blog. Shit. I know you are tired of hearing it, but today was a fucking tough day. You know, you have stuck by my through this and for that I thank you. Some of you have been through this two or three times and thank you also. You are not getting a Christmas card, but thank you. I don't know exactly where I stand with this whole situation right now, so I'm not going to go into details about it. I'll just paint you a picture and you can tell what I'm feeling right now. I'm sitting here alone, t-shirt and pajama pants, black dress socks, miller lite, and a sharp knife I am keeping out of my reach.

So, what else is happening.........well shit. That's about all thats on my mind right now. Hold and let me see if I can dig up something to write about............so how about that airplane food? Is it chicken or cardboard? What is the deal?
I apologize for that. A little Seinfeld moment.
Ok, so I don't have anything else to speak of at the moment. I have been reading this and it doesn't help, but it's something to read I guess.
Breakup101

Have fun my followers.......it will get better.

POON

2006-12-05T19:42:00.000-06:00

Not much to say today ladies and gents, just wanted to share a little bit of history with you. Today is one of the most underappreciated days that I know of.....well, other than my birthday. Today in 1933, prohibition was lifted. Yeah, I'm surprised we don't celebrate it more also. Just think if all those old three piece suit and suspender wearing old black and white (because there wasn't color back then...duh) people never fought against prohibition, we wouldn't be in the drunken stupor we are in right now. There is not enough ways that I can thank those people for standing up for what is right.

Thanks Jack

Thanks Augustus

Thanks Pete

Thanks Jim

Thanks Captain

Thanks Mr. Schlitz

Most of all.....thank you Mr. Advil for making all those thought of never drinking again go away. These guys are my best friends and sometimes I talk bad about them, but they know I'm just joking. Did I leave anyone out............oh yeah,

ROT IN HELL JOSE.........ROT IN HELL INDEED.........(see you next weekend)

POON

2006-12-04T12:22:00.000-06:00

Can, Can't, Want and Will

I'm putting those on the top so that i remember what I'm getting at. This is probably going to be a long post because I am still in my same phase from yesterday and I'm trying to get stuff down. Stand strong my followers....it will be over soon. Hey, you might even learn something with this one.

CAN - to be able to; have the ability, power or skill to
Can is a really overused and under emphasized word. "Can" you do something? Sure. The real question is "do you want to" or "will you". If your boss says, "Can you get that report to me by the end of the day?" You say yes although you don't WANT to but you WILL because it's your job. OK, I'm not talking about work related shit, I'm talking relationship. Of course, what else would I be talking about on here. CAN you live without someone? Yes. Do you WANT to? No. WILL you?..........Waiting for an answer? You're not getting one. That is the big question out of the three that is tough to answer.........We will return to it

CAN'T - have no alternative
Can't is a very complicated word. On the same lines as can, can't is mostly used in place of what we really mean. I CAN'T do this or that. Most of the time, you can, you just choose not to. Again the WANT and WILL (or will not) come into play. You can't make stuff work. You can't live without someone. Not true. It's about effort, communication and determination.

WANT - to wish, need, crave, demand or desire
Want is what I think is the most overused and underappreciated word. I'm not going into the want and need conversation (though catch me depressed next week and we might) but want is not the word it used to be. As I saw the definitions, there were many, and I chose this one. The thing I feel interesting is the "wish" part. We confuse want and need alot, but really want is a wish. Do you want someone in your life? Yes. Is it a want or need? (remember another day we will get into this) A crave or desire to have that person is something that can be overcome by time and probably not much more than that. Wants will pass and become could's or might's, but want is probably the most heavy word, and emotion that there is.

WILL - expected or required to, disposed or willing to
I put two definitions on here because they are so much alike and still so different. Required to and willing to are completely opposites, but still go down the same road. Will you move on? Will that person be back in your life? Will you accept it? Hmmmmmm.......hitting a nerve? Well piss on you, it is to me.

You know, I'm almost disappointed in myself for doing this on here again. You don't want to hear me bitch, you want to hear all the hilarious quick one liners that I have been known for. This is something that will stop. Here. Now. From now on, poon is no longer. Well, I can't give up the name poon, but I'm just saying as far as an attitude, poon is no longer. From now on it will be POON. Capitalized and proud. Let's change this up a bit and get some laughs in before I close.

Some of you will get this and for those of you that don't, comment and ask me, I'll share it.
This guy walks into this talent agents office and says, "Man have I got an idea for a show for you." The agent looks at him and says, "Well, let's see it."
The guy brings out his family and they all start beating each other with baseball bats. The father starts making out with his mother while his kids are peeing on the family dog. His wife then starts crapping and throwing up on the kids and her husband. They all face the talent agent and yell "TAH DAH!!!!"
The agent looks at them and says, "WOW, that's quite an act. What do you call it?"
The husband says, "The BCS."

Hope you enjoy that PK.

POON

2006-12-03T11:07:00.000-06:00

You know, you have good days and bad days after break ups......today is a bad day. No good reason for it, just woke up this morning (early this morning after drinking all night) and that's all that was on my mind. I am getting on here hoping that I can get something written down that will take my mind off of it for at least another hour when football starts. Stay with me....probably alot of rambling.
The only other big thing that is on my mind right now is last night's football antics. If for some reason you didn't see this coming....for shame! You knew it was too good to be true. The BCS actually working when USC pounds UCLA and marches into the championship game and all is well at the round table of the BCS. Well, (PK you will like this) USC took it in the Booty. UCLA came out with their 6-5 record and that QB...what's his name, and that big WR.........you know that guy, and their defense lead by........oh that one kid. Star studded cast waiting to be shut down by a darn good team with a head coach that seems to just breed good players in his system. Never mind the fact that his tounge is too big for his mouth (Quincy Carter disease) or that his chin rivals the size of Jay Leno, he is a damn good coach. Well, USC either really showed their age at QB or UCLA just wanted that game more. I know you tOSU fans know this, but how rewarding can it be for your team to knock their biggest rival out of the national championship game in the last game of the year. Good for you UCLA. Drink the wine of champions today and burn some poor old lady's couch (and maybe her whole house), flip a car over and pass out in a trash can after smoking a pack of Pall Mall's and drinking some Schaefer. You deserve it. USC.......you get the same thing that 50% of the other schools get, another game and a tie for third place along with all of the other programs that didn't get into the big game. IF (yes i mean to capitalize it) scUM gets into the big game, the road to Glendale might still go through SoCAL. tOSU fans will be making a pit stop just to drop off a small brown bag on the football players door steps, light the top, knock and run. HAHA it's poop in the bag! That's what you get for ruining the BCS. I thought it would work.

Depressed in Dallas

poon

2006-11-30T11:46:00.000-06:00

Well, its here. The storm of the century here in Plano. I took this picture this morning when I stepped outside to see what the wea...........what? No, its Plano in the picture. Anyways, I stepped outside to see what the weather was like and decide if I should go to work or no.........what? Seriously, Plano. It's closer to the Frisco area so that might be why its confusing. OK OK shut up. It's New York ok. Are you happy? Jesus, can't leave well enough alone you have to call me out on shit. Just enjoy the fact that you are reading this and quit asking so many damn questions.

OK, well it is colder than a well diggers ass here (at least in Texas temperature it is). There is some snow and sleet and the roads are apparently so bad that most of north Texas is closed down. The news this morning had non-stop coverage of the "Blizzard of '06" along with a very detailed and well thought out segment on what kind of sand/salt mix different cities are using this year. I tivo'd it so next time it gets cold and I'm wondering how in the hell they are going to solve this mysterious frozen water problem, I can be reassured that they have it under control with a 90-10 sand to salt mix. Thank god for NBC.

I know what you are thinking, and yes it is embarassing for us to be so freaked out about this weather. I know.....it could be dangerous to be out on the roads (that's why I took today off :))

Ok, I'm going to go off mid sentence on a little quagmire I just ran across. If I put a smiley face :) inside of parenthesis (....), should I close it up or is the mouth the ending to it? I will show examples and let you decide.
(Bob is a douchebag :))
or......
(Bob is a douchebag :)

Neither one look right. Maybe parenthesis are overrated and I shouldn't use them as much. Maybe the smiley face is borderline homo to use. I use it. Not bragging, just stating. Maybe they should be used for the following
( . )( . )
boobs
and a very nice set if I don't mind saying so myself.

So that was a waste. Thanks for hanging in there. Maybe tomorrow I will have something interesting to say about the weather and I can put it on here. Im sure that I will be trapped in here for at least a week with the weather like this so I will take more pictures and show them. (and no not of New York again. shit.)
Damn, I used them again. Some habits are hard to break. :)

poon

2006-11-23T17:54:00.000-06:00

And we eat and we eat and we eat. I do like Thanksgiving, don't get me wrong, but why do we do this to ourselves? Today is a glorious reason for me to be completely disgusting and eat until I am actually cramming things down my throat because there is no more room in my stomach. "Oh, you done with that plate? Here's another." "Oh, you're done with the turkey? Here's dessert." The beauty of that alone is why I like the holidays. Let me take you through a brief journey through my day in pictures.........
EAT

SLEEP

FOOTBALL

Finally more food and tryptophan zen. Well I don't really have much to say on this fine turkey day, just wanted to get on here for a bit before I pass out. If you were wondering, yes that is me in all of those photos (including the football one. I was in pro football from 1938-1941 until my career ended early with a bad case of delirium tremens. Look it up). Before you ask, I don't know why I passed out in a cardboard box and I don't know why I was wearing a swimsuit in November. Turkey does crazy things.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!!!!

poon

2006-11-13T13:14:00.000-06:00

Well, it happened. Me and A are no longer talking. The past 18 hours have been pretty tough and I know that it will be for the best I suppose. I think the only reason Im putting this on here is so that I can get some words out that I keep bottled up in me. Its really strange how people can grow apart. Last night it felt like neither one of us wanted to make this move, but we didnt have a choice. Sometimes I wonder if your head and your heart dont work together. For me, I know my heart is with her, but I think my mind still holds on to things in the past. I think she might feel the same way too. If I could turn back time and go back to when we still lived together, I would change so many things. We wouldnt have had the problems we did if we would have just addressed the problems when they occured. I cant turn back time though. I have to live with what is in the past and hopefully learn from my mistakes.
I did try to be better over the past year or so and I thought that things were going pretty good through the summer. For some reason, around September or maybe August, things just changed. I wondered if it was something I did. I then wondered if it was something she did. Was there someone else? No. It was none of the above. Things that we do to people that hurt them stay with them forever. Someone once told me "I can forgive, but I can never forget." I never really knew how true that was until now.
Will things be better? Im sure they will be. Its just a matter of getting past the first day, the first week, the first month. Take it one day at a time and know that future will take you where you are supposed to be. Will we ever be back together? I want to say yes, but I feel like it will be no. I dont believe that we decide where and what we are going to do, I think we are put there. Maybe we werent meant to be together. Maybe we need some time to let the wounds heal. Either way, I do hope that in the future I can be strong enough to stay friends with her. I care too much about her to just let her go and never know what happens to her. For now, I cant. Call me weak, call me dumb, call me what you want, I cant. Right now I cant sit back and talk to her and act like I am ok with just being her friend. I didnt move in with her, buy a house, get engaged, because she is a good friend......I did it because I love her. Im sure in the future if things do not work out between us that we will both lead a long and happy life, it will just take time to heal our wounds.
Ill close with this, as many bad things as I can remember from the past, they are greatly overshadowed by the good. As much pain as I feel right now, I wouldnt give up the past 5 years with her for anything. I actually think that instead of being so sad, we should be glad that we had the time together that we did. If you read this, and you are with someone, go home and let them know how much you think of them. Nothing special, just do the little things. Say I love you, kiss them before you go to sleep, get in one last hug before you go to work. You dont know what you have until its gone.

2006-11-11T18:27:00.000-06:00

"I can't deny cancer got a piece of me last time. A big piece of me." That could be the biggest understatement (and possibly most arrogant) thing I have ever read. Lance Armstrong said on the 9th that he will again go toe-to-toe with cancer. "I want cancer. I want cancer so bad I can almost taste it." I am not bragging, but I can usually see where conversations are going before they get there.......I didn't see that coming at all. Nobody wishes for cancer, not even the ol' yellow bracelet himself. He went on to say that he is ready to sleep 17 hours a day and then went on to say that he wouldn't mind something like brain or lung cancer. Well, Mr. Armstrong, (you know...I'm going to leave the rest of this sentence blank because I want to go so many places right now and I'm just not going to. Cancer is no laughing matter and I can't seem to make myself go where I really want to go right now).

What makes him say these things you wonder? As do I.......and I don't have an answer. I do know that this is the first thing that I have seen on Lance Armstrong where he refered to himself in the third person. Is this a changing Lance we are seeing? Is he becoming like most athletes where the idea of himself actually outgrows himself so he must refer to himself as someone else?

I don't know, but I do have the entire article here that you can read.

Well, Poon has got to go watch Poon's TV and see if Tennessee can hold off Arkansas. Poon says goodnight all. Maybe I should refer to myself as The Poon. I kinda like that. Maybe I'll just stay with what most people call The Poon......fartknocker.

Poon

2006-11-06T22:17:00.000-06:00

well well. Twice in the same year? say it isnt so. well it is. what to say, what to say. well there are alot of things happening in my world. im not going to get into some of it because honestly, im not emotionally stable enough to type it on here eventhough im sober.
lets talk sports a bit. well last post i said that i would put on here a "picks of the poll" system, however, i will not. not because im lazy, but because i really suck at picking teams. overall over the past few weeks im 10+ games under .500. im that bad. im sitting here watching the monday night game as we speak. looks like i will win that one. if i dont i will retire from gambling. if you dont believe me, ill bet you $20 i do.
colt mccoy for heisman?
i saw that shit on espn today and i must say.....no. why would he be? good stats? maybe. good team? possibly. hype about him following vince? absolutely. i really hate when the media corrupts the public eye with their own visions. does it make a nice little story line? yes, but you have to look at who they are and the big 12 as a whole. i will go out on a limb and say that the big 12 is the worst conference in the usa. ok, maybe not worst, but easiest. in all honesty, without a few decent receivers, texas is just another mediocre team. the texas defense makes me think of the dallas cowboys defense. maybe good against the run, but just go deep on them and they will get burnt. its like their cb's and ss's are just full of roy williams twins and terrence newman twins. overrated.
lets get to the cowboys......or lack there of. i am a redskins fan so i will be a little biased on here, but first and foremost i am a football fan. i cant say that about cowboy fans. its the cowboys and nothing else. t.o. is a perfect example of this. he comes and stands on the star and disrespects the organization and then you are the first in line to buy his jersey? doesnt make sense. i know you want t.o. to be different in dallas, but it wont happen and it has already started. the thing that really bothers me is the spinelessness of both jerry jones and bill parcels. he falls asleep and "he has a medical condition." argues with an assistant coach and "the coach will be disciplined." he already runs that team. well good for him. he got what he wanted and the cowboys are just another .500 team. we all win. please i dont want to write more on romo and vanderjagt....i mean vandershank....i mean vanderblock. im sorry, i had to throw that in there. well good luck cowboy sheep on another 9-7 season. have fun sitting at home with the redskins fans during the playoffs. you see i accept it, you can too.

poon.

2006-10-17T23:18:00.000-05:00

wow. didnt know it had been this long since i last blogged on here. well i guess some of it has to do with the fact that i have better things to do at 3am than get on here and drunk type.....i actually dont, but you dont need to know that. oh wait....... well things are going great here. if you consider great mediocre. i do. i have to say that sports-wise, this is my time of year. the bcs came out this week with all kinds of controversy. whats new? always does and everyone screams "put in a playoff system" well i say fuck that just because they never will and i want to be on the winning side of something before i die.
i might start doing my version of picks of the pole on here. for people that do not listen to norm hitzges (dont blame you, i hate him too), he does picks of the pole on fridays to tell you what he is going to bet on this weekend. maybe i can put it on here so that you guys can see how bad i am at that kind of stuff. who even reads this fucking thing?
why am i excited about an alarm clock? i got a new one today and i must say, i was rather excited about it just to come home to find out that it doesnt have a digital dial for the radio. no use to me now. seriously...thats what i look forward to.
well it looks like i am still working on the movie. i bet you didnt guess that. well im looking for some good ideas for it. post comments or email me if you have a good idea. i have a few, but a few doesnt make up 100 pages of crap. damn i hope this thing gets finished.
well until next time my fellow poons......

2006-07-06T23:59:00.000-05:00

well shit.
its been a long time for this. havent been on here in a while and i dont regret it. usually i just get on here drunk and start typing random shit that doesnt make sense. well tonight is nothing different.
as most of you know, i got moved and now and here in plano close to work. only takes about 3 mins instead of the 45 is used to take. who cares. well i like it up here and i hope that this summer continues like it has been going so far. nothing i can bitch about when i sit at the pool drinking beer all day saturday and sunday. nothing to complain about at all. not alot of big news happening right now. kenny got engaged. very happy for him. him and ana are a great couple and i really wish them the best. i really dont have shit to talk about, unless you really want to hear me bitch about work and odds and ends for a while. i dont think you do and i dont feel like typing it. well i just thought that i would update this thing at least a little bit.
im going to go into my drunken slumber until i have to wake up in the morning. bye for now and ill update this more often.

later fuckers.

poon

2006-01-17T23:50:00.000-06:00

As I sit here on this uneventful Tuesday, I reflect.............

Do you remember when I asked how to throw away a trash can? (if not read a couple of blogs back)

Well I'll be damned. In a rare ritual I like to call "cleaning" I came across an old bag of red potatoes. As I picked them up, I noticed that the smell of toejam and asscrack filled the room. Yep, they were rotten. I damn near threw up when I caught a whiff of them. Anyways, I threw them in a trash can I had been ready to get rid of and put it out back by the trash. The trash can was small, but apparently the garbage men thought I wanted to keep it. So.......

You cannot throw away a trash can by putting it by the trash. The trash runs Tuesday and Friday around here, so I have taken it upon myself to find a way to get rid of that fucker. Ill keep you posted on that.

Well, nothing exciting going on in my life if you cant tell. Work can suck my sack as always. Personal life is no better. Getting crap ready to give a presentation to 40 big shots from my account tomorrow. I cant wait. If I was just guessing, I will talk for about 30 mins and then the Q & A starts. That should last for at least 30-45 more. Thats where the ass whippin' begins.

Enough about work. I get pissed just thinking about it. Well, you probably know me and A are talking again. Its frustrating, but what am I supposed to do. I cant hide the fact I still love her so I guess Ill leave myself as vulnerable as possible until she starts seeing someone else. F me. Alcohol intake has been at an all time high lately. 5 days straight last week and Im not talking about a beer or 2. When I say fucked up i mean FUCKED UP. That should be good for my inflamed liver. Found a great new hang out. Dont laugh. Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah bitch I said it. Good food, beer is beer so its good, and poker on the NTN machine. Went there 2 nights in a row last week and didnt feel bad about it. Speaking of 2 nights in a row...went to Southern Junction 2 straight night. If you wanna feel like a regular, go on a friday night and see how many people you know. If it is more than 5, you suck. Well, I suck. I need to stay away from that place. Pat gave his keys away. Ill give you a minute to let that sink in......................
...........................
.........................
.........................
Ok. Let me repeat it in case you missed it. Pat gave his keys away. Somehow I got the truck key, but he gave his house key and his parents house key to some lady that he was making out with. No name, never seen her before. Good call Pat. Thats what he gets for shooting tequila. Well its now midnight and I will get a few hours sleep before the beating.

Happy late MLK day my niggas.

poon

2005-11-19T11:34:00.000-06:00

Well poons, Im back. Its been a while since I have posted something on here. Partly because nothing is happening and partly because I am too lazy. Well I won an award. Top RAE in NTX for my company. Thats pretty bad ass, but who the hell cares.......really.
Alot actually has been happening in my world lately. Matt moved in a few days ago. Things arent going well in married world because of alot of shit. Maybe some time apart is what they need. Me and A are talking again. Its been really nice. Unfortunately her grandmother died last week. We went up there for the funeral and stuff and then went to the funeral down here yesterday. She was American Indian and the funeral was kinda weird. They have a bowl of cigarettes right beside the coffin and you are supposed to take one and smoke it in rememberance of the deceased. Oh, and the body is on the other side of the gym from where we were eating dinner. Kinda weird, but customs are all different. It was different. Its not mournful really, not like we do things. It is more like showing your appreciation for the person and telling how they affected your life. So I went up there with A to be there for her. Even though we are not together, I would want her to be there for me if something like this happened. Things were nice though, talked about alot of stuff, nothing inparticular, but I try not to look too much into stuff. I just take it one day at a time.
Well, in order to improve my already stunning image, I have decided that I should cut my goatee. Tell me what you guys think of it.

Personally, I think that I look like Rich from Big & Rich, but that's just me. GRRRRR! Im tough now. As much as I hate to admit it, I kinda like it. All I need now is some Levi Garrett and a spittoon. If you cant tell, I am hungover in this picture. Whats new.
I'll leave you with a little exerpt from one of my favorite movies
"Dear God, make me a bird so i can fly far, far far away from here."
then her dad beats the shit out of her. If you dont know the movie.....for shame.

I think the alcohol is still in my system.

Keep on rockin in the free world

Poon

2005-10-17T22:54:00.000-05:00

"How is work?"
I never thought you guys would ask that. Shithole. More shit dumped on me everyday, but it looks good on paper. eat me. Well one sentence is enough bitching for one day I guess. Had a rather painful weekend. I honestly can say that its been a long time since I drank that much whiskey. I 1 1/2 hours me and Wayne somehow rang up almost 100 bucks worth of jack and cokes. Ouch. The capper to the thing is the Whataburger. I couldnt eat that much food sober to save my life. My blog really sucks. Im either bitching about my job, telling you about how much I drank, or letting emotions out about my ex. Oh just wait until I finish the movie........then we will have something to talk about........its kinda shitty too now that I think about it. Well, I have a meeting early in the morning with my new team. We will see how my former co-workers like me as their boss. I think that there will be some heartburn on their end. Luckily I can swear at them now to get shit done. Oh the beauty of frustration release. If I make it through tomorrow, Ill update you on the situation.

Restless in Rockwall
B

2005-10-12T20:42:00.000-05:00

Mother fucker. I really wanted that new account, but I didnt get it. Fucking figures. They said they have high expectations for my group now and want me to be the leader to take them there. That sounds good and all, but fucking a, Im at a dead stand still. I swear to christ that I will be in this position until the day I die. I did get alot done today. Went to some stores out in the middle of nowhere. Fun. All that driving gives me time to think about shit I probably wouldnt think about otherwise. Like.......
How do you throw away a trash can? I have one now that the wheels are broken off of and I want to get rid of it, but Ill be damned, how do I throw it away. Do I have to leave instructions, put it inside of another trash can, take it to a dump, sell it in a garage sale? Im fucking lost. Or......
Is it a sin to burn an illegal copy of "The Passion of the Christ"? Or.......
If you didnt have a middle finger, how could you wipe your ass? Or.........
Did they have a shitload of kids back in the old days because they got bored from not having electricity? Did they just sit around and say,
"So you wanna fuck or what?"
"Yeah I guess, Im kinda bored." Or.......
Was Louie the Lightening Bug a light bulb or and actual lightening bug? If he was a bug, where does he come off telling me about electricity. His peeps get offed by the bug zapper all the time. Or......
Since Spuds MacKenzie was a female dog, was Budweiser promoting gay beastiality? Think about how far ahead of their time they were.
Does anyone else see why I want to stab myself most days? I do. There are alot more than these things I think about. These are just a few of the many things that needlessly go through my mind. Well I guess its about time to drink some Jack and start wildly swinging a dull knife around. Ill make contact if Im lucky.

B on 3

2005-10-10T19:44:00.000-05:00

I remember alot about the past
Both the good things and the bad
The things that won and broke your heart
Before things got so bad

Staying out all night long
Not knowing where I'd be
Getting drunk 6 days a week
A good husband I wouldnt be

I did alot to mess things up
We never talked at all
Strange how I just find out
Big problems start out small

We had fun together for 3 whole years
I wouldnt trade a day
The beach, the strip, or even home
All we did was play and play

All those days are long gone now
We have both gone separate ways
Its lonely here without you
Long nights stem from longer days

I cant turn back the hands of time
If I could I'd fix it all
I say Im sorry a million times
But I already dropped the ball

I dont know what the future holds
Where we will be in a year
You or me with someone else
Thats not what I want to hear

We could both survive apart
Or even with someone new
I know now how to make it work
I just want it to work with you

The feelings from you are not there now
I know you still think of me
I just cant do anything about it
How could all this be

I really want to give you time
I think youll come around
Im really not that bad of a guy
For a while I just let you down

Im giving you some time away
Only time can heal the wounds
Just know you are still in my heart
And our love again can bloom

I dont know why writing stuff like that gets my feelings out. I read her blog everyday and I really hope she is thinking about stuff and not just moving on. I dont know if she is seeing someone new, I doubt it. I dont know if by "things are getting clearer" she means better with or without me. Im confused. I shouldnt think about this stuff so much. I havent heard her voice in a few weeks and it sucks. We text here and there although I said I wouldnt. I just cant completely let go and that could either end up good for me or biting me in the ass. I really dont know whether to go ahead and think of her completely as my ex and move on to single life again or whether I should wait for her. For now, I wait because it feels like I would be cheating even though we are apart. She is moving in with her mom at the end of the month and I guess we will see if she starts thinking about stuff more after that. Until then I sit here thinking, remembering, wondering, knowing what could have been and now feeling what it is.

b

2005-10-10T10:39:00.000-05:00

I did not realize that I hadnt put anything on here since last tuesday. I have been on vacation all week and never got around to putting anything on here. Well, thats me I guess. So my week of vacation was spent gambling and drinking the rest of my shitty life away. Staying up until 7am playing poker really throws off your sleep schedule. Especially if you have been drinking since 1pm the day before. Talk about fucked up. Ouch. Needless to say, Saturday was spent laying around catching up with sleep and watching some football. So UT finally pulled it off. About time. Watching the game I realized something. UT is pretty damn good and OU is pretty shitty. I mean stop me if you disagree, but this could be the worst OU team I have ever seen. No solid QB or WR, Peterson is injured and somehow they still forced him to run for 2 or 3 yards here and there. Oh well. Everyone that knows me knows that I am an A&M fan, but you UT fans have something to look forward to this year with the team that you have. I really dont know who is in your way for the rest of the season. Maybe Tech could pull something off, hell Baylor is looking strong this year.
Well, Im supposed to play golf today, but the weather has to hold up for me to. Last day of freedom before going back to work tomorrow. I think I might hear something about the new account tomorrow. Hopefully at least. I am so beat down from my job. I just need a change. To be perfectly honest, I dont know if the new account is the change I need. I might be looking for something outside the company, I dont know. If I do get shifted around, I will start with that. Anyone that reads this that lives around the DFW area needs to make a trip to IKEA. That place is fucking huge! It actually has alot of practical stuff and for a reasonable price. If you would like something to make you smile, go to the returns that are for sale by the registers. If you ever doubt your ability to make something, that will make you feel so much better about yourself. These people have really screwed some stuff up. Leaning tables, crooked shelves, gaps between doors big enough to stick your arm through, its funny. Anyways, guess Ill close for now. Talk to you guys later on.

B

2005-10-04T18:06:00.000-05:00

My fellow poons....
Not a whole lot to say for a tuesday. Im on vacation this week doing nothing except sitting around playing the monopoly game at mcdonalds making me fatter and closer to a heart attack by the day. Eventful weekend, kinda. Friday night Wayne and myself went to arlington to a party thrown by our friends Kenny and Ted. Dont remember a whole lot of it, got pretty wasted. I do remember, however, the ride home. My car was at bone daddy's in plano, so it should have been about a hour drive if that from arlington. We left the club at 2 and somehow ended up in the middle of a residential neighborhood. No clue where we were. Every time we thought we saw a street that looked familiar, it took us somewhere we never saw before. After god knows what, we finally got to my car at 4am. Yeah, thats a 2 hour drive. Saturday was blessed with a hangover as I had figured. Pretty much stayed inside all day and watched football. Did that Saturday and Sunday now that I think about it. Monday was a craphole day with nothing going on except realizing how much of a redneck I am by watching wrestling followed by a wrestling documentary. Well, a week and a half has gone by since we ended stuff. I dont know if the days are getting easier or not. I have some days that I am ok, then the next day I am a wreck. I talked to my ex last night about nothing important, just talked. It was nice. Although I havent heard her voice in a week, the text messages were enough to tide me over...at least for a while. Laid in bed last night until about 230, tossing and turning. Not even the golf channel put me to sleep. Watched a pretty good movie last night about 1, I recommend seeing Busty Cops if you get a chance. Yeah, its what you think it is. Dont blame me, there was nothing else on. I think tonight I will watch Lonesome Dove. At least I can say I accomplished something. If I start now, it should be done about 2 am. yippie.
B
p.s. started writing the movie a little more today.

2005-09-30T17:58:00.000-05:00

This was me earlier in the day. Hairy and all, actually, its a photo of me. Well this is at least what I looked like when I found out today the changes in the company. Today we had a re-org meeting to discuss the future of the company. Went well. I got a promotion. Can you fucking believe that? Well, not as good as it sounds. Im the lead for my team which basically means more work and same pay. It looks good on paper......or so im told. I also report to another boss now. Its better than who I used to report to. She is a great boss and she knows how to run stuff. Her name is Jennifer. Im so gonna do my boss. Just kidding, Im saving myself for Wayne's mom. (if you dont get that read my post from a couple of days ago) So starting tomorrow, when my team needs shit done, I get it done. No more emailing and calling around to get stuff done, I do it. That is good. After the meeting I went and played golf with Kyle. Good back 9, shitty front. I didnt really start getting into my swing until about the 15th hole and then pared out the final 4 holes. Guess nothing much other than that to say. I actually am writing this so I dont call my ex. I had the text message ready to send and I forced myself to close the phone. Tough. Guess Im gonna go take a shower and get ready to go out tonight. Beware Dallas, beware.

poon

2005-09-29T16:29:00.000-05:00

What a night. Dont know if any of you around here got the storm like we did, but we lost power last night. Yeah lost it from 830 til 3am. I want you to try something this week. Go to your garage and flip the power completely off, just for 4 hours or so. See isnt that fun? To occupy your time I would suggest yahtzee. It kept us occupied til about 1am. Got out and mowed today, it needed it, still needs work.
Dont know if any of you read dreamingtree05's blog, but its getting tougher for me to. I miss her so much. She is the first thing I think about when I wake in the morning and the last thing in my mind at night. I really hope that everything works out between us for the better. I hate not having her in my life. She text messaged me the other morning and said, "just thinking of u." It was so hard for me not to respond to it. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking of her too, but Im trying to let her completely have some time to herself. Actually writing this here is probably an indirect way of me telling her Im thinking of her. Im sure shell read it. Its really weird how when you hear a song it makes you think of more than just a song. Somehow you realize alot of people have gone through the same thing you are going through. Listen close to Back to You by John Mayer. Makes you think you are not alone. Its kinda about regrets and losing the one you love. "i walk with your shadow, and Im sleeping in my bed, with your silouete." Think about it. I think about it everyday that I live it. In closing, Ill be gay and quote it,
Ill leave the light on
Ill never quit loving you.
Leave the light on for me too
Dreamingtree05, I love you and you know that. I want you to write those three lines on a piece of paper and stick it to whatever picture you still have of me or us.

B

2005-09-28T19:28:00.000-05:00

What the hell is a Wednesday good for? I shit around and dont get anything accomplished and be miserable. Tomorrow is going to be the start of a couple of shitty days. I have to be in Bowie and Gainesville tomorrow for most of the day. Then Friday we have a meeting to discuss the re-org of my department. Two re-orgs a year is too much. Didnt really get on here to bitch about stuff, just needed to put some stuff on paper. Although Jason's sorry ass will probably tell me the computer is not paper. Thanks fuckstick. I found out today that one of my friends that I grew up with lost his sister today. She was 29. Fuck.......29. 5 years away. She was married with a kid. How bad does that fuck you up? Could you imagine losing your wife at the age of 29? You know I cant help but wonder about alot of stuff when I think about her. I think alot of the last time I saw my grandfather. I remember it like it was yesterday...
I was playing baseball on my NES and he came in to tell me goodnite and he asked, "are you still mad at me?" Earlier that night I wanted to spend the night with my friends Matt and Jeff, but he said no because I had to do some stuff in the morning with him, just help with yard shit. I said, "kinda."
He replied, "I'm sorry" then he told me he loved me and goodnite. I didnt respond. My grandfather died in his sleep that night. I have never let myself live that down. I know that my grandfather knew I loved him and he was the most important thing I've ever had in my life. Just knowing that he went to sleep that night somewhat angry at himself for telling me no and that I didnt say that I loved him one last time fucking hurts so bad to this very day. Im glad you cant see me right now cause Im crying like I did the day of his funeral.
I just wonder, did she go to sleep last night happy with her life? Did she kiss her husband goodnite? Did they have a fight and him sleep on the couch and not hold her and reassure her that she was #1 in his life? I just think about that stuff.
I've been through alot of tough shit lately and I've come to realize that you need to be happy for the stuff you have in your life right now. You knowing you love someone is not enough, let them know. No occasion, just because you dont know when your time with them is over. Whether that be a breakup, a move with a job, a death, hell even just moving out of your parents' house and not talking to them for a while. Let them know. I've been bad about that my whole life and even when my grandfather died I still didnt learn. In the past relationship I was in, I didnt show or say it as much as i should have. Even to my mom, aunt, grandmothers, I dont say it as much as I should. Even my friends. I want everyone that reads this to take my following advice:
1. Dont go to bed without saying I love you.
2. Dont wait til tomorrow to call someone you need to call today.
3. Never miss an opportunity to make someone feel special.
4. Dont shake hands, give a hug to people close to you.
5. Make amends for petty shit that happened in the past.
6. Say thanks
#6 may sound weird, but think about it. How many friends have been through tough shit with you and you never said it. Do it now. Those of you with someone special in your life, tell them you love them tonight, even if you have to wake them up. For those who dont have someone special, call your mom just to see whats been going on. She'll appreciate it. Dont wait.
Love you guys
Thanks

2005-09-26T22:36:00.000-05:00

Wasn't I cute as a child? Yes, contrary to popular belief, this is my when I was 10 years old. Week is only 1 day old and already shitty. Had my second interview today. I by far aced the first part of it, however, the second part I completely fucked up. Don't know why, but I am way more comfortable speaking in front of a room full of strangers than I am speaking in front of my peers. What the fuck. To all of you who are reading this that I called on Saturday night, Im sorry. I have only heard back from a couple of people I drunk dialed, but it was enough to let me know exactly how drunk I was. I will give apologies on a per person basis that I know of.
Jason:
I was just joking about you coming over and jerking me off and I am for sure I was not going to (and never will) cum in your mouth.
Wayne:
Message 1 is non existant in my mind so therefore no apology is necessary.
Message 2 however, I was informed that I was making remarks about the time your mother walked in on me when I spent the night at your old house and how I'm gonna bang her. Im sorry for that.
For those of you that I missed, please inform me if there are apologies necessary. I could tell you that you had it coming(most of you did) but I know there were quite a few people that got the pleasure of hearing my raspy intoxicated voice at 3am. Any voicemails that were saved are welcomed to be forwarded to me for future reference. Lastly, I have started a flickr page. The link is on the right. Enjoy my fellow poons.

Pooncerely Yours,
B

2005-09-22T22:39:00.000-05:00

Today is the toughest day i have ever been through. Im not going into details of it, but those involved know why it is so tough for me. today actually will change the rest of my life for good. it scares me. tomorrow will not be any better and will probably be tougher. im a fucking wreck. i dont know what to do. it just fucking scares me. i did get some good news today. i have a second interview for the new position i applied for. that is good. im really excited about it. i have to give a 15 min presentation on monday morning to the director of sales showing my presentation and informational skills. im nervous. it should be easy though when i finally get all the numbers that i need to complete the power point. im really tired and just dont feel like typing more and i also dont feel like watching the craphole tv shows that are on right now. no porn. no sportscenter. just shit on top of shit on top of shit. talk to you later.

2005-09-19T12:34:00.000-05:00

New me. That is what today starts.....a new me. Starting today im cutting back drinking to 1 day a week, eating better, and using the gym membership that i pay for and never use. Yes i did say drinking 1 day a week. Ok, there might be some sort of exemption at some point, but for the most part 1 day is it. Whats this for you ask? Its for me. I have to start taking better care of myself and make myself better in the process. Since I started working for Cingular, I have gained about 40 lbs. Yeah thats alot for 4 years. Im just not happy with myself, havent been for a while. Hopefully everything is going to take a turn for the better within the next month or so. I had an interview for a new position within the company last week and it went really well. For those of you who dont know, I have hated my job since the first day I took it two years ago. Yeah, thats a long time to hate your job, but it pays the bills. Dont get me wrong, I take care of shit that i need to and I have a store right now that broke records for us last month which means a bad ass paycheck for me. Im trying to save up right now because around the first of the year i plan on moving out of my house. Havent really looked at the fees and shit involved and probably dont want to, but i guess i should. I guess my moving kinda still lies on where my ex (her name is to remain anonymous) and i stand at that time. I think even if we do work stuff out i might still have to move closer to work. I really wish i was stong enough to be her friend and be ok with that. She has been my best friend for almost 5 years and i just cant be ok with being in her life and watching her move on. weakness on my part i guess, but i cant help it. enough about that, didnt mean to get on that topic. my life where it is right now is kinda like quick sand, i can stay where i am and survive, but the more i try to get out, the deeper in i get. well, my favorite football team is playing the team i hate the most tonight. Thats right, my WASHINGTON REDSKINS are playing the dallas cowboys on monday night football. Sorry for the change in font size, but you know, I just dont like the fuckers. Although i have been born and raised in Dallas, I have never been a cowboys fan. Dont really know why, but its nice to go to the game and root against the cowboys just to irritate the fans. Makes me smile just thinking about it. Well I guess i should get off of here and get something done. Going to the gym i guess.
chunkin dueces

bdub

2005-09-14T23:02:00.000-05:00

Sobriety is different. I havent had a drink since Sunday. Quit laughing, it might sound weak to you, but after the shit that I've been through, one day seems too long without alcohol. I couldn't sleep for shit last night. Didn't get to sleep until after 3am and I had to be at the office this morning for an interview. It went well, at least I think. Do you ever get to the point that you are so tired you can't sleep? That is how I have been all day. Since I have come home about 4, I havent been able to sleep since. Shit going through my mind all day about everything. I wish I could just relax and take my mind off of everything. I can't even stay on one subject and not go all over the place. Take everything that I have written up until now for example. I seriously have been typing this for about 20 mins and I still haven't got shit worth reading. Well, on that note, Im going to go to sleep and try to make it past one more day. Every day under my belt is one step closer to not such shitty of a week, which leads to not too shitty of a month and not that shitty of a year. Pretty shitty, huh.

2005-09-11T22:17:00.000-05:00

TGIF

Thank god its football season! I am so fucking bored of watching baseball highlights that i could shoot myself. Actually, I would shoot myself for other reasons, but I could add that in there. Weekend of upsets with college and pros, but we will not talk about that. Went out last night to the Southern Junction for a friends birthday. Very eventful....I guess. Nothing much really happened, got drunk. What's new. Not a very eventful weekend at all actually. I've been keeping this a secret from you guys until now....I'm making a movie. Yeah that's fucking right. Movie. Nothing major, but something I can do to occupy my time. When everything finishes, I will have a bit more information on it and will have a link to show some photos from it and some clips. You will have to stay tuned for it and keep checking back. We went to the scoreboard tonight. If you dont know what the scoreboard is, it is a little hole in the wall here in Rockwall and if you get in to town I highly recommend going. Tonight is the first time I have been there and I have to say....not bad. A small place with some pool tables and shuffleboard and crap. Cheap beer always gets me hooked on a place. Besides, who can turn down a place where it has a pic like this. Talk to you later.

2005-09-07T22:13:00.000-05:00

I
AM
DRUNK
What's new? I know you are asking that. Thanks for whoever sent me the link to AA on the comments. bitch. So I talked myself out of going to work today. Not necessarily a bad idea. I fixed the stereo on my truck and cleaned the hell out of my computer room. My blog is fucking boring. Who the fuck cares if I cleaned my computer room. Apparently you do cause you are reading it. Anyways me and Pat went to Applebees for the $1 drafts and I'll be goddamned if they were good. Well we are at home right now and drinking some rum and coke debating on going out to a bar close by to listen to shitty music and look at married women who are fat and mostly ugly. I love this city. Talk to you tomorrow when I am a little more sober and alot more together. Word to your mother.

2005-09-06T19:50:00.000-05:00

Wow. Today is a tough day. I encourage you to check out my ex's blog.

dreamingtree27.blogspot.com

You know how little things can trigger the emotional outburst you have kept inside for a while? Yeah, it's one of those days. Let's start at the beginning. Started off today by seeing my new office at work. Holy shit. I had a desk bigger than that in 3rd grade. My key doesn't work to lock my drawer or cabinet. They didn't move my computer stuff from the old building and I think someone left skidmarks in my new chair. Either way, the day of unpacking boxes began. Around lunch time, someone has the great idea of going to Hooters. Might sound like a good idea at the time, but its not. Overcrowded erect business men slapping and grabbing ass is not my idea of a good time. Ok, maybe it is my idea of a good time without the business men there. When we get back I find out that there have been some new job postings for us. One of them I am supposed to have a lock on from what I have been told. Anyways, apply for that, fuck off some more by shooting hoops at my mini basketball thing at my crowded desk, bullshit around with people that I don't want to injure in my office and go the hell home. Just as I get relaxed and start getting to sleep, Pat comes home and wakes me up to go to his parent's house for his sister's birthday. No nap. Go over there and eat way too much mexican food and now here I am. Get an email from my ex today about her new blog. Somethings in there I know, but I just don't want to think about. Her calling me her ex just doesn't seem right. 4 fucking years and I had to go and fuck it up. I don't understand. I keep telling myself that if she wanted to be with me she would be with me. Why the fuck do I keep on with this shit? If I had half of my shit together in my head I would just tell her not to talk to me anymore at all and save myself some real pain. I have never had anyone lead me around like she has been doing to me. There are plenty of other girls out there that could make me happy and would love me for who I am, but it's not about that. True love only happens once, I believe that. The fucked up thing is, true love for you might not be true love for the other person. It's like me seeing the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with living her life with someone else. That fucking hurts. If I never talked to her again, I would save myself from holding on to something that's not there. I would save myself from having to hear her say, "I'm kinda seeing someone now and I think it's best if we quit talking." What the fuck! I can't stop loving her. I just fucking can't. Call me a pussy, make fun of me, I do it every day, but I just fucking can't stop. Well after that little trip down suicide lane, I think I'm going to go hit the bottle and count the rounds left in the 9. Either that or look at porn.......maybe a little of both. Imagine that.

2005-09-05T20:54:00.000-05:00

Ah....the beauty of waking up without a hangover. Somehow I kinda wanted one. I for sure asked for it by drinking heineken. Looks like the fun is over tomorrow. Back to work. Have I mentioned I hate my job? Well, consider this my warning. I will bitch about this alot. Don't get me wrong, I make good money and I really don't have to do much, but this is overshadowed by my true hatred for my job. Not going to go off on much of a tangent tonight because I am tired and don't feel like going through all of this. So what's been happening? Not much here. blah blah blah. Look, it's Monday night and I am tired as shit and am ready for bed at 9pm. What the fuck is wrong with me? Well, I'm going to go for now, but I'll be back with a vengence tomorrow.

2005-09-04T16:53:00.000-05:00

$4.32 That is what it costed me to become retardedly full and sickly. Cici's is one of the best and worst creations that have been bestowed upon us in the past 100 years. There is a bit of a story that leads up to that. We went swimming yesterday and what is swimming without alcohol. Malibu? Bud light? Crown Royal? Pick your poison. For me, I chose all of the above. And really what is a good drunk state without a good buffet to put you over the edge. If Pancho's wasn't so far away, they would have gotten the business, but they might not have wanted it. Sometimes I like to think that their earnings for the third quarter have somehow been depleated thanks to the gang. Really an uneventful day for a Saturday. Watched Mean Girls(stop laughing, you have too) and drank a bit. nothing much more.

September brings forth my favorite time of year. Football season. After 7 months of withdrawal, the tv will most likely stay on some sort of football for the next 5 months on all Saturday and Sundays. This is one of the few things right now that makes me happy. What happened to Oklahoma? What happened to A&M? Good football day. Tomorrow will bring the Florida St./Miami game. Should be a good one. The one thing that I don't like about this time of year is the gambling. I have a big gambling bug that strikes me during football season. Restrained myself to one game yesterday and won. Tough not to play today, but I'm doing good so far.

Why is Christmas getting so close? Think about it. Halloween, Thanksgiving, then it's here. Not far away people. I'll wait til the last minute as I always do. I don't have many to buy for this year. Going to be my first holiday season alone in 5 years. Weird. Don't really look forward to it. Enough about me. I get off on tangents and don't stop for a while. Guess I better get to work cleaning up and getting ready for a house full of people. Time to get drunk and over indulge myself with food. Imagine that.

2005-09-03T11:33:00.000-05:00

Ouch. Let's talk about alcohol since it is freshly on my mind. Last night we went out and had a pretty good time. Got to the bar we really wanted to go to about 45 mins away and then realized that Ted had left his wallet at my house. I'm not a fighting person, but I could have punched that mofo in his face. Not like it was cheap to get out there($3.09/gallon). Really I shouldn't bitch. I've found myself over the past few days not bitching as much about stuff that really doesn't matter. I ran into a couple of people from New Orleans over the past week or so and have gained alot of insight. I guess it took me actually meeting someone who lost their house, or who haven't heard from a relative down there in weeks for me to realize that those pictures on tv are real. It seems almost like it's not real, but it is. I am going to get off the hurricane subject for now, but keep in mind those people lost everything they had. Quit putting it off like I have been doing and give something. I don't mean to sound like Jerry Lewis, but every dollar counts.
www.redcross.org

Actually I'm not done with the hurricane stuff. What the fuck are those people thinking that are walking out of WalMart with tv's and shit. Maybe they can plug it in when they get home and....oh yeah their fucking house isn't there. Oh, then maybe they should just come out and start shooting at the rescue helicopters and the police. Good idea. I really am not a mean person, but those people have what's coming to them. Burn in hell looters, burn in hell indeed.

Ok, back to last night. First I'll introduce you to the supporting cast. Ted, Kenny, and Wayne. Between the four of us, we have known each other since at least junior high. Ted is married to a great girl named Jennifer. For some reason though, he has not really got out of the partying phase in his life. Let me tell you from experience, it hurts the relationship if you go get drunk with the boys all the time. (see my past relationship) :( Kenny is a lifetime student. Has a girlfriend that is crazy about him and possibly a little crazy all together. We traveled back to the old stomping grounds in Mesquite last night to enjoy seeing all the people we tried to get away from by moving away. Too many shots, too much beer, and somehow we all kinda got fucked on our tab. On 3 tabs, $130? Maybe. Shit I drink too much. That was capped off with a trip to the local IHOP at about 3 am. KEEP THIS IN MIND!!!!! As good as the big country breakfast is, it is not a good idea after you have been drinking all night. No excuses. Don't do it. It's kinda like fucking a fat chick, might sound like a good idea after getting drunk, but have some restraint. You will regret it in the morning. I did. Waking up to the sound of your stomach rejecting $130 worth of alcohol and a $9 breakfast is not a good thing. Not too much detail, I'll just say I hurt.

I texted my ex last night. Don't sound so dissapointed. I kinda regret doing it, kinda not. Alcohol does weird things to you. I told her that I was thinking of her and I missed her and I loved her. All true, but I really need to stop doing this to myself. This is where I need your help. I know what most of you will say, but tell me something that helped you out in the past, give me some advice on what I should do. After 3 amazing years together and one year that I fucked up, I got the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" thing. That hurts. I've been everything she wanted me to ever be lately to show her that I really love her and I'm willing to do anything for her and I'm sorry for fucking stuff up. She says there is too much resentment towards me to get back together. I said it's better if we don't talk anymore. help.

Until then, I will continue wasting away the hours and the days with alcohol by my side and a good porn on the computer. Imagine that.

2005-09-02T19:13:00.000-05:00

OK. Here we go. First time doing this and we are going to see how it works out. Let me get started by giving you a little info about myself. I am a 24 year old male that lives in Rockwall, TX. That's right, the island. If there are some of you who do not know what I am talking about, there is one way on and one way off of this place. A 4 mile bridge usually ends up turning into a 30 min ride down the realization that even though you left Mesquite, you are still here. As they say. "you can take the boy out of Mesquite, but you cant take Mesquite out of the boy." Dont ask me who says that exactly, I really dont fucking care. I recently ended a 4 year relationship with my now ex-fiance, so I suppose that it is a good time to start my life over. At least that is what I tell myself to keep from downing the last of the tylenol pm that I have. I really wish I wasnt such a pussy when it comes to stuff like that. She walks all over me and the only thing that I do is treat her like a queen. GROW SOME NUTS!!! Speaking of nuts, I am a recent survivor of ball cancer. Thanks the applause are greatly appreciated, but I should share one thing. I actually thought I had ball cancer, turns out it was just some bump on my ball, but its a better conversation starter to say I'm a survivor! Pictures of my sonogram are soon to come on here. And, you're welcome in advance. Now that I start writing I realize that I actually have alot of shit to talk about. Most of it is boring and you might give me bad feedback. Tough shit.
So let's get back on track. I live with my roommate which has been one of my best friends for a long ass time. He is 29 and goes through as much shit with women as any man I've ever seen. Most nights consist of us getting drunk and calling people in our phonebooks until someone gives in and brings us something to eat. Living in the same shitty, oops i mean city, are two of my friend that just got married in June. Congrats to them. Hey I was supposed to get married in May. Thanks for rubbing that in for me. They are both happy though, so I am happy for them. Roommates name is Pat, friends are Jason and Lindsay. Forgot to throw that in there. Last one that escaped Mesquite is Wayne. He is currently in his 6th year(maybe 7th) of college. Hell he has more patience than me. I went for 2 and got bored and lucked out with a bad ass job. More power to him. He currently lives in Denton and commutes down here most weekends to get drunk. Cant blame him. There are some more people that I will introduce you to when the time comes. For now that is all you need.
Let's talk about something interesting. RELATIONSHIPS.
I put that in caps because it is a big fucking deal. I have said there are 2 things that shouldn't be hard in life. Golf and relationships. Truth is they are hard as hell and I suck at both of them. What I think ruins it for guys is Billy Crystal and Tom Hanks. Yeah I said it. Scrutinize me if you will. When Harry Met Sally, You've Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle. Don't get me wrong, I've watched them all a few times, you have too. Not bad movies actually, but they are what I like to call (get ready to write this down, I'll use it alot) THUNDER STEALERS. Those movies steal any hope that you might have in making the love of your life happy. How many times have you heard, "Why can't you do that?" or "That's so sweet." Right there you are at a disadvantage. When she is laying beside you at night after the movie, she is thinking about how sweet those guys are and how all you want to do is face fuck her. True as that is, we both have to realize that we have to compromise in this relationship thing. Take her out to dinner, hold her at night, watch when harry met sally for fuck's sake. Ladies, you dont get off this easy. It's not all about you. Let us face fuck you here and there, make the first move, do something that makes us feel special. Listen, I didn't mean for this to get emotional and shit, kinda just went there. Ok, we will continue this later. Wayne just got here and we are going to get drunk. Imagine that.