Happy Times Football Hour on CBS

While watching the NFL Today show on CBS, I got so pissed off at those shitwads that I had to throw down a couple of words. I started thinking of how mediocre their crew is and then they bring out Greg "oh God why did you curse me with being black" Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf-on football. I would rather Lou Holtz read the entire Bible to me than listen to these studs. I started thinking that if I had a party, would it be worth it to have the celebs there eventhough it was the CBS crew? I'll give you a rundown of my e-vite...

IN

Dan Marino - Nutrisystem can't be that bad to eat, so he's in
James Brown - Token black guy.....enough said
Greg Gumbel - Token white guy....enough said
Sam Ryan and Lesley Visser - Token sluts, and I think they will be fun if I'm drunk....and they don't talk.....and they don't resist too much......what?
Dick Enberg - hahaha, Dick....
Every Louisville Cheerleader - Especially her

OUT

Boomer Esiason - Son's story all night would depress me
Shannon Sharpe - Not enough carrots and salt licks to keep him from talking all night
Jim Nantz - Douche
Dan Dierdorf - Moustache almost saved you from the out list, but you have a lisp that would make Cindy Brady jealous
Randy Cross - I think he made that name up and until I find out otherwise, OUT
Phil Simms - Jesus, are you serious? Cheesedick.
Michael Strahan and Jared - There couldn't be enough free Subway to let this duo in my place

By the way, the cheerleader pic is just to ease the pain for the guys that don't get into the party....and the USC girl is invited.

Poon Party