TAH DAH!!!!! I'm back and better than ever. You miss me? Well f you too. Actually if you are on here, then you did miss me. Sorry for earlier, I get somewhat trigger happy with the f you's. And on with the big show...

First of all I would like to thank the thousands of emails and letters I received the past week being sick and all. My loyal fans truly helped the through the fight with allergies. I couldn't have done it without you. I really liked the one that I got from my close friend Michael Irvin, "powder your nose and call me in the morning. :)" He's such a great guy, and yes he did do the smiley face thing.....that's how he rolls.

On to the good stuff. I ran across something today that I found somewhat strange. The fucking olympics happened this year? Wow. How did Dominique Dawes do? What about the USA basketball team? Oh they didn't play? It's the winter olympics? That must be why I don't give a shit. Don't get me wrong, I can blame alot of stuff this year on alcohol (see most other posts), but I didn't catch the Olympics? Should I be ashamed or grateful? Could I end more sentences with question marks? Could I BEEE anymore annoying? (Friends reference just fyi)
Well, I'm sorry. I don't think this makes me a bad American, just ahead of my time. When you re-read this in 3 years right before the next Olympics, it will remind you to watch them. I feel like I am just doing a good deed for my fellow Americans ahead of time. Nah, I know you won't watch anymore than I will. In all honesty, I would rather watch a Sister Sister marathon dubed over with Fran Drescher's voice before I watched Women's 1800km Cross Country Skiing with no commercial interruptions. I remember in 2002 watching the speed skating competition and seeing them speed around the ice like a cat chasing a laser pointer on a newly waxed floor then they just slowed down. What? Oh, it's over. No buzz, no gun? It's their deal and I have no say so.
And as the days pass until I again get to enjoy not watching the Olympics, I will wait patiently and hoping that my submission for the Downhill Topless Intertube Race will be accepted. Even if that does happen, I will only be watching in 4 minute spurts every 45 minutes or so. Yes, that's a masterbation reference.

Willy Wanka