What the hell is a Wednesday good for? I shit around and dont get anything accomplished and be miserable. Tomorrow is going to be the start of a couple of shitty days. I have to be in Bowie and Gainesville tomorrow for most of the day. Then Friday we have a meeting to discuss the re-org of my department. Two re-orgs a year is too much. Didnt really get on here to bitch about stuff, just needed to put some stuff on paper. Although Jason's sorry ass will probably tell me the computer is not paper. Thanks fuckstick. I found out today that one of my friends that I grew up with lost his sister today. She was 29. Fuck.......29. 5 years away. She was married with a kid. How bad does that fuck you up? Could you imagine losing your wife at the age of 29? You know I cant help but wonder about alot of stuff when I think about her. I think alot of the last time I saw my grandfather. I remember it like it was yesterday...
I was playing baseball on my NES and he came in to tell me goodnite and he asked, "are you still mad at me?" Earlier that night I wanted to spend the night with my friends Matt and Jeff, but he said no because I had to do some stuff in the morning with him, just help with yard shit. I said, "kinda."
He replied, "I'm sorry" then he told me he loved me and goodnite. I didnt respond. My grandfather died in his sleep that night. I have never let myself live that down. I know that my grandfather knew I loved him and he was the most important thing I've ever had in my life. Just knowing that he went to sleep that night somewhat angry at himself for telling me no and that I didnt say that I loved him one last time fucking hurts so bad to this very day. Im glad you cant see me right now cause Im crying like I did the day of his funeral.
I just wonder, did she go to sleep last night happy with her life? Did she kiss her husband goodnite? Did they have a fight and him sleep on the couch and not hold her and reassure her that she was #1 in his life? I just think about that stuff.
I've been through alot of tough shit lately and I've come to realize that you need to be happy for the stuff you have in your life right now. You knowing you love someone is not enough, let them know. No occasion, just because you dont know when your time with them is over. Whether that be a breakup, a move with a job, a death, hell even just moving out of your parents' house and not talking to them for a while. Let them know. I've been bad about that my whole life and even when my grandfather died I still didnt learn. In the past relationship I was in, I didnt show or say it as much as i should have. Even to my mom, aunt, grandmothers, I dont say it as much as I should. Even my friends. I want everyone that reads this to take my following advice:
1. Dont go to bed without saying I love you.
2. Dont wait til tomorrow to call someone you need to call today.
3. Never miss an opportunity to make someone feel special.
4. Dont shake hands, give a hug to people close to you.
5. Make amends for petty shit that happened in the past.
6. Say thanks
#6 may sound weird, but think about it. How many friends have been through tough shit with you and you never said it. Do it now. Those of you with someone special in your life, tell them you love them tonight, even if you have to wake them up. For those who dont have someone special, call your mom just to see whats been going on. She'll appreciate it. Dont wait.
Love you guys
Thanks