I remember alot about the past
Both the good things and the bad
The things that won and broke your heart
Before things got so bad

Staying out all night long
Not knowing where I'd be
Getting drunk 6 days a week
A good husband I wouldnt be

I did alot to mess things up
We never talked at all
Strange how I just find out
Big problems start out small

We had fun together for 3 whole years
I wouldnt trade a day
The beach, the strip, or even home
All we did was play and play

All those days are long gone now
We have both gone separate ways
Its lonely here without you
Long nights stem from longer days

I cant turn back the hands of time
If I could I'd fix it all
I say Im sorry a million times
But I already dropped the ball

I dont know what the future holds
Where we will be in a year
You or me with someone else
Thats not what I want to hear

We could both survive apart
Or even with someone new
I know now how to make it work
I just want it to work with you

The feelings from you are not there now
I know you still think of me
I just cant do anything about it
How could all this be

I really want to give you time
I think youll come around
Im really not that bad of a guy
For a while I just let you down

Im giving you some time away
Only time can heal the wounds
Just know you are still in my heart
And our love again can bloom

I dont know why writing stuff like that gets my feelings out. I read her blog everyday and I really hope she is thinking about stuff and not just moving on. I dont know if she is seeing someone new, I doubt it. I dont know if by "things are getting clearer" she means better with or without me. Im confused. I shouldnt think about this stuff so much. I havent heard her voice in a few weeks and it sucks. We text here and there although I said I wouldnt. I just cant completely let go and that could either end up good for me or biting me in the ass. I really dont know whether to go ahead and think of her completely as my ex and move on to single life again or whether I should wait for her. For now, I wait because it feels like I would be cheating even though we are apart. She is moving in with her mom at the end of the month and I guess we will see if she starts thinking about stuff more after that. Until then I sit here thinking, remembering, wondering, knowing what could have been and now feeling what it is.

b