Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Done and Done

Ok, guys. I hate to say goodbye, but the new blog is semi up and running. On the right is a link to Down and Distant and it will be the blog from here on out until the actually website is going strong. I will still post here from time to time, but the D and D blog is great. I encourage you to check it out because its not just 200 words of crap from me, it's 200 words of crap from me and some other guys. See you there.

Labels: , ,

Friday, January 19, 2007

Hot Lezbo Action

In a desperate cry for attention (at least a desperate cry for hits), I am bringing you nothing other than dirty, hot, naked, making out, drunk, horny, lezbo action at its finest.
AHHHH, DEAR GOD ALMIGHTY!!! Jesus, I'm sorry for that. I had it labeled as something different. Actually I wanted to share a little tidbit of information I stumbled across. The reason that I am putting it on here is because I am pretty sure that I am the first person to find this and I want recognition for it. Ready.............Sure????????OK.......
No exclamation point, it doesn't deserve it. I was watching the NFL replay on NFL Network that I get because I don't have pisswad cable like some of you other poor hooligans. (I use that card as much as I can, sorry.....switch already) They were showing some shots of the crowd and I'll be darned, nothing. I even went down to the level of searching for the ones that aren't as bad as the others, but that kind of was a failure too. I feel sorry for the people that go down there anytime other than Mardi Gras to get laid. Utter disappointment.
So I beg you people from the The Big Bath Tub, prove me wrong. Send me email of hot women down there so that I do not completely give up hope for your city. If that doesn't work, then at least paint your faces next time......for me.

TroPOONcal Storm

Labels: , , ,

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

My Yearly Prayer.....

In my yearly prayer to that jokester in the sky, I ask for alot of selfish stuff, because I'm selfish. Some say that prayers aren't meant for stuff like this, but I think Jesus just likes hearing from me. And on with the show....

"Jesus walks into a bar and the everyone in the bar says, "JESUS CHRIST!" Woody says, "How's life treating you Mr. Christ?" Jesus says, "
Well, the plot's okay, Woody, but it kind of falls apart at the end."
"Makin' your way in the world today takes everything you got.........

Man, that was a great show Jesus. How did you ever come up with some of those one-liners amazes me. And don't get me started on Cliff. Hilarious. Is it sac to tell jokes to Jesus about Jesus while you are praying to Jesus? Well, from here on, I'll keep that in mind. Well, it's playoff time and I guess we should have a chat. You kind of pulled one over on me last year with the whole "I'm gonna throw the 'Skins in the playoffs and get them a win just to tease Brett." That was kind of rude, but I won't dwell on that. I forgive you. You did make up for it a bit this year with the fried chicken craving you gave Romo before the Seahawks game. Thanks, I owe you one. And don't go thinking that means I'm going to church, don't get greedy on me.

We are down to 4 teams now and I must say, not that happy. Peyton vs. Brady again? Please. Stop. Seriously. It was kind of fun the first couple of times, but I'm tired of Jaws getting all gay on me during SC about how much of a stud Brady is and how giant Peyton's cock is. Just tired of it, ok? Now, if you want to make up for that bath you gave The Big Dirty, give them a win this weekend. If you don't, I'm pretty sure that you will lose alot of your income from that area. If nothing else, get someone on a mission to start a free swimming class down there. (too soon?) No? Ok, I guess what you say goes.

Well, I won't talk to you again before the Super Bowl, so give me something to watch. Please for the love of your dad, give me a shootout. Maybe the Saints over the Colts in a 67-54 game? I mean fucking give me something!!! Oh, sorry I forgot. Well until next year, keep watching over me when I drink and I'll keep using your name as much as possible giving you some free advertising. I'm going to start charging you for that! LOL! Just kidding. Later dude."

Poon 3:16

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Happy Times Football Hour on CBS

While watching the NFL Today show on CBS, I got so pissed off at those shitwads that I had to throw down a couple of words. I started thinking of how mediocre their crew is and then they bring out Greg "oh God why did you curse me with being black" Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf-on football. I would rather Lou Holtz read the entire Bible to me than listen to these studs. I started thinking that if I had a party, would it be worth it to have the celebs there eventhough it was the CBS crew? I'll give you a rundown of my e-vite...


Dan Marino - Nutrisystem can't be that bad to eat, so he's in
James Brown - Token black guy.....enough said
Greg Gumbel - Token white guy....enough said
Sam Ryan and Lesley Visser - Token sluts, and I think they will be fun if I'm drunk....and they don't talk.....and they don't resist too much......what?
Dick Enberg - hahaha, Dick....
Every Louisville Cheerleader - Especially her


Boomer Esiason - Son's story all night would depress me
Shannon Sharpe - Not enough carrots and salt licks to keep him from talking all night
Jim Nantz - Douche
Dan Dierdorf - Moustache almost saved you from the out list, but you have a lisp that would make Cindy Brady jealous
Randy Cross - I think he made that name up and until I find out otherwise, OUT
Phil Simms - Jesus, are you serious? Cheesedick.
Michael Strahan and Jared - There couldn't be enough free Subway to let this duo in my place

By the way, the cheerleader pic is just to ease the pain for the guys that don't get into the party....and the USC girl is invited.

Poon Party

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Well kids, it's over. My long battle with hair has finally ended. Today I cut it all off. Here are some before and after pictures.
Apparently, shorter hair makes me look 60 pounds heavier. Okay, you got me. Here is the real before picture.
Dear Jesus, I should have left Matt up there instead of that fat ass....oh shit that's me. Well, on that note let's get into some sports. By sports, of course I mean some shit that's not football for some reason because it's winding down and SportsCenter doesn't cover anything other than NBA and NHL during the week.

I really didn't talk much about the Cowboys loss yesterday, but good lord i will today. Being a Redskins fan, I did like the fact that they lost in Seattle to the sack-of-shit-hawks. Damn I hate that bald guy and Alexander which has a gap so big that it could fit a toothpick through....horizontal. So it's the battle of crap for me. I just dislike Dallas more. With that said, I do feel somewhat sorry for Tony Homo. That's a tough deal to get through especially when I was sitting directly behind the Cowboys bench. Everytime that they said, "There's a flag on the field." I would say, "There's a homo on the bench!" and point to Tony. I'm hilarious. There is one thing that I did wonder while I was watching Miles Austin return the kickoff for a touchdown..... If he played in NFL Europe, would his name be Kilometers Austin? I'm pretty sure it would and it would probably make his stock go down.

Tune in tomorrow for something I'm going to start doing on either Wednesday's or Thursday's from here on out. "What's on their Blackberry?"


Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Traveling Woes

Well my humble followers, I've come back from the desert, but don't call it a comeback 'cause I've been here for years. After spending 4 days hob-knobbing with Buckeyes, I must say....I drink the Kool-Aid. I'm sold. You might be able to call me a bandwagoner if we had won, but it has nothing to do with the game. The thing that has me caught up in the scarlet and gray comes down to 2 things, tradition and TBDBITL. I think that the real point that I was hooked was at the pep rally at Chase Field on Sunday. Just seeing 37,000 tOSU fans pack in a stadium to pump up themselves and their team amazes me. I have never seen fans like that in my life and I am completely at awe. As far as the game goes, I really don't want to talk about it too much. The fact that we were up by 7 with 14:44 left in the first really got us going, but that was about it. It was a blast just to be part of this whole deal. Tailgating started at about 1 for us and between keg stands and Maker's Mark, I was a happy man going into the game.

Well, other than that little piece, I don't have much to say today. I just needed to get on here and throw down some sick lyrics for you beeotches. I will leave you with a few pictures of the journey. By the way, if you ever get a chance to do baggage cart races up and down the hallway of your hotel drunk at 3am, I would highly recommend it.

Oh, to answer your question....the airport is FUCKING CROWDED during bowl games.


Friday, January 05, 2007

Friday Conversation with El Dorado Owens

Will all the clout that I pull around with me, I called up my close friend T.O. to get a brief interview before the playoff game in Seattle tomorrow. I would like to thank him and his publicist for the interview.

Poon: First of all, thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to do the interview with me.

T.O.: No problem, I love football.

Poon: That's great. So how are things up there?

T.O.: Rain.

Poon: Like every other day in Seattle, huh? (laughing)

T.O.: What? I just wanna play my game and hopefully pull out a win.

Poon: So what do you expect to do tomorrow in the game?

T.O.: Play.

Poon: Well said from Chattanooga's finest.

T.O.: You know, I just play my game.

Poon: Sounds good. So are you going to say anything worth while on this call because you are beating me down.

T.O.: If I was any other receiver in the league, it wouldn't be a big deal.

Poon: Yeah it would. Have you heard yourself talk?

T.O.: Hold on.

Kim Etheredge: Terrell has 25 million reasons to hear himself speak.

Poon: What the fuck does that mean?

Kim: (whispering)Pass that bottle over here.

Poon: You guys drinking already? It's 730am Seattle time.

Kim: No baby, I'm so fucked up on codeine I can barely stand up.

T.O.: Yo dawg I'm gonna have to let you go, this bitch is getting naked.

Poon: Have you seen her? She's like Condoleezza Rice with Downs Syndrome.

T.O.: Yeah bitch, you get in that hyperbaric chamber.

Poon: Ok, I'll call back.


Well, that got out of hand quick. I don't know what goes through that crazy motherfucker's mind sometimes, but he sure is fun to hang out with.

Seattle 27
Dallas 13

Also, I am taking off tomorrow for Glendale for the BCS Championship game. I will drink one for everyone that reads this. So 2 beers it is.

Prediction 2
tOSU 34
Gaytors 24

Poondale, Arizona


Thursday, January 04, 2007

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Yes, you are at the right place. Decided to do a little redecorating inbetween changing my shelf paper and eating cheez-its. I finally got the title bar up there and as you can see, I'm very creative. With the butt-piracy out of the way, let's get to something important. JaMarcusDelRayRayaNique Russell is a stud. Period. At least on paper he is. A mobile QB coming out of college can't go wrong in the pros.....well, except for Aaron Brooks. I can't remember a time where a running quarterback failed to lead his team to the pinnacle of the NFL. Remember when McNabb won the Super....ahhh, maybe when McNair rolled over the....well, I've made my point. Hey don't get me wrong, I love watching Vick and Young on TV, but you will not win with a running quarterback. They sell seats and put on a great show, but no win. So with that said, what do you do? Pass up on him and let someone else take a chance or do you take the chance yourself and give it a shot? Being a Redskins fan, I say take that mofo and give me a show. Do you think Tennessee fans are bummed about missing the playoffs or stoked about how Vince played this year? As I said earlier, Russell is a stud and should just call it a day in college and come out while his stock is high. Get the big contract and get the hell out of the swamp.
On a lighter note, Mark McGwire is said to receive 26.8% of votes for the Hall of Fame today, short of the 75% needed to get it. Well, personally I don't believe the whole steroid talk...

Oh, nevermind.

PePe LePoon

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

First of all, I usually don't double post on any given day, but I could not resist getting this out there ASAP. Also If this guy was black he (for good reasons) would have been shot by now. I'm actually embarassed to be white just because of this video. If God does exist, this man is sterile and by no means can spread his disease. Last note....PK, I'm sorry to put this on here because......well.......he's a Buckeye fan. Again, I can't say enough that I'm sorry for this.

Please send any hate mail or kudos to my email in my profile. Thanks.

Welcome to 2007 my followers. In China, this is said to be the year of the Won-Ton, but here in Plano, it's the year of the B. This is the first time I can remember being somewhat excited about the new year. I went through alot of shit in 2006 and this year is my year to be selfish. This year is about me. Not going into a whole lot of detail because you don't want to hear it, but just a little fyi for all of you that are still recovering from the Sunday night parties like myself.

Here are a couple of things I plan to do in 2007......

1. Start a cult
-Hey I look good in purple and I like Kool-Aid, what can go wrong?

2. Finish the movie
-You might have to go back a year in posts to understand this if you don't know what I'm talking about, but I've been working on the son-of-a-bitch for 2 years and still don't have a title.

3. The new blog
-Much more details to come with this. It's going to be quite amazing.

4. Stop watching so much DIY, HGTV and FOOD network
-I LOVE Rachael Ray, and I can't get enought Kitchen Renovation. Don't even get me started on Flip This House. I feel like I get gayer by the minute watching those channels and sitting around eating my artichoke dip that Rachael taught me how to make in 30 minutes or less.

5. Stop eating artichoke dip
-Thanks KSK

6. Buy a CD
-This one might be tough to accomplish now that we can get them for free on the internet.....What? That's illegal? Disregard that last sentence.

7. Find career stats for Dominck Williams
-Don't know why I can't find this bastard.

8. Call bullshit more on a daily basis
-Like the Dodge commercial with the Rock-em Sock-em Robots, his head wouldn't blow off unless he actually got hit or he malfunctions. Take that big blue motherfucker back to Toys R Us where he came from. Bullshit.

9. Find a dusty TV and draw a penis on it
-Nothing is funnier than seeing a dusty penis just as your favorite show goes to commercial.

Ok, I'm done. Let's see how many of those I can check off my list by the end of the year. I say I will do 8 out of 9. We will see.

Adios Muchachos