Friday, September 30, 2005

This was me earlier in the day. Hairy and all, actually, its a photo of me. Well this is at least what I looked like when I found out today the changes in the company. Today we had a re-org meeting to discuss the future of the company. Went well. I got a promotion. Can you fucking believe that? Well, not as good as it sounds. Im the lead for my team which basically means more work and same pay. It looks good on paper......or so im told. I also report to another boss now. Its better than who I used to report to. She is a great boss and she knows how to run stuff. Her name is Jennifer. Im so gonna do my boss. Just kidding, Im saving myself for Wayne's mom. (if you dont get that read my post from a couple of days ago) So starting tomorrow, when my team needs shit done, I get it done. No more emailing and calling around to get stuff done, I do it. That is good. After the meeting I went and played golf with Kyle. Good back 9, shitty front. I didnt really start getting into my swing until about the 15th hole and then pared out the final 4 holes. Guess nothing much other than that to say. I actually am writing this so I dont call my ex. I had the text message ready to send and I forced myself to close the phone. Tough. Guess Im gonna go take a shower and get ready to go out tonight. Beware Dallas, beware.


Thursday, September 29, 2005

What a night. Dont know if any of you around here got the storm like we did, but we lost power last night. Yeah lost it from 830 til 3am. I want you to try something this week. Go to your garage and flip the power completely off, just for 4 hours or so. See isnt that fun? To occupy your time I would suggest yahtzee. It kept us occupied til about 1am. Got out and mowed today, it needed it, still needs work.
Dont know if any of you read dreamingtree05's blog, but its getting tougher for me to. I miss her so much. She is the first thing I think about when I wake in the morning and the last thing in my mind at night. I really hope that everything works out between us for the better. I hate not having her in my life. She text messaged me the other morning and said, "just thinking of u." It was so hard for me not to respond to it. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking of her too, but Im trying to let her completely have some time to herself. Actually writing this here is probably an indirect way of me telling her Im thinking of her. Im sure shell read it. Its really weird how when you hear a song it makes you think of more than just a song. Somehow you realize alot of people have gone through the same thing you are going through. Listen close to Back to You by John Mayer. Makes you think you are not alone. Its kinda about regrets and losing the one you love. "i walk with your shadow, and Im sleeping in my bed, with your silouete." Think about it. I think about it everyday that I live it. In closing, Ill be gay and quote it,
Ill leave the light on
Ill never quit loving you.
Leave the light on for me too
Dreamingtree05, I love you and you know that. I want you to write those three lines on a piece of paper and stick it to whatever picture you still have of me or us.


Wednesday, September 28, 2005

What the hell is a Wednesday good for? I shit around and dont get anything accomplished and be miserable. Tomorrow is going to be the start of a couple of shitty days. I have to be in Bowie and Gainesville tomorrow for most of the day. Then Friday we have a meeting to discuss the re-org of my department. Two re-orgs a year is too much. Didnt really get on here to bitch about stuff, just needed to put some stuff on paper. Although Jason's sorry ass will probably tell me the computer is not paper. Thanks fuckstick. I found out today that one of my friends that I grew up with lost his sister today. She was 29. Fuck.......29. 5 years away. She was married with a kid. How bad does that fuck you up? Could you imagine losing your wife at the age of 29? You know I cant help but wonder about alot of stuff when I think about her. I think alot of the last time I saw my grandfather. I remember it like it was yesterday...
I was playing baseball on my NES and he came in to tell me goodnite and he asked, "are you still mad at me?" Earlier that night I wanted to spend the night with my friends Matt and Jeff, but he said no because I had to do some stuff in the morning with him, just help with yard shit. I said, "kinda."
He replied, "I'm sorry" then he told me he loved me and goodnite. I didnt respond. My grandfather died in his sleep that night. I have never let myself live that down. I know that my grandfather knew I loved him and he was the most important thing I've ever had in my life. Just knowing that he went to sleep that night somewhat angry at himself for telling me no and that I didnt say that I loved him one last time fucking hurts so bad to this very day. Im glad you cant see me right now cause Im crying like I did the day of his funeral.
I just wonder, did she go to sleep last night happy with her life? Did she kiss her husband goodnite? Did they have a fight and him sleep on the couch and not hold her and reassure her that she was #1 in his life? I just think about that stuff.
I've been through alot of tough shit lately and I've come to realize that you need to be happy for the stuff you have in your life right now. You knowing you love someone is not enough, let them know. No occasion, just because you dont know when your time with them is over. Whether that be a breakup, a move with a job, a death, hell even just moving out of your parents' house and not talking to them for a while. Let them know. I've been bad about that my whole life and even when my grandfather died I still didnt learn. In the past relationship I was in, I didnt show or say it as much as i should have. Even to my mom, aunt, grandmothers, I dont say it as much as I should. Even my friends. I want everyone that reads this to take my following advice:
1. Dont go to bed without saying I love you.
2. Dont wait til tomorrow to call someone you need to call today.
3. Never miss an opportunity to make someone feel special.
4. Dont shake hands, give a hug to people close to you.
5. Make amends for petty shit that happened in the past.
6. Say thanks
#6 may sound weird, but think about it. How many friends have been through tough shit with you and you never said it. Do it now. Those of you with someone special in your life, tell them you love them tonight, even if you have to wake them up. For those who dont have someone special, call your mom just to see whats been going on. She'll appreciate it. Dont wait.
Love you guys

Monday, September 26, 2005

Wasn't I cute as a child? Yes, contrary to popular belief, this is my when I was 10 years old. Week is only 1 day old and already shitty. Had my second interview today. I by far aced the first part of it, however, the second part I completely fucked up. Don't know why, but I am way more comfortable speaking in front of a room full of strangers than I am speaking in front of my peers. What the fuck. To all of you who are reading this that I called on Saturday night, Im sorry. I have only heard back from a couple of people I drunk dialed, but it was enough to let me know exactly how drunk I was. I will give apologies on a per person basis that I know of.
I was just joking about you coming over and jerking me off and I am for sure I was not going to (and never will) cum in your mouth.
Message 1 is non existant in my mind so therefore no apology is necessary.
Message 2 however, I was informed that I was making remarks about the time your mother walked in on me when I spent the night at your old house and how I'm gonna bang her. Im sorry for that.
For those of you that I missed, please inform me if there are apologies necessary. I could tell you that you had it coming(most of you did) but I know there were quite a few people that got the pleasure of hearing my raspy intoxicated voice at 3am. Any voicemails that were saved are welcomed to be forwarded to me for future reference. Lastly, I have started a flickr page. The link is on the right. Enjoy my fellow poons.

Pooncerely Yours,

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Today is the toughest day i have ever been through. Im not going into details of it, but those involved know why it is so tough for me. today actually will change the rest of my life for good. it scares me. tomorrow will not be any better and will probably be tougher. im a fucking wreck. i dont know what to do. it just fucking scares me. i did get some good news today. i have a second interview for the new position i applied for. that is good. im really excited about it. i have to give a 15 min presentation on monday morning to the director of sales showing my presentation and informational skills. im nervous. it should be easy though when i finally get all the numbers that i need to complete the power point. im really tired and just dont feel like typing more and i also dont feel like watching the craphole tv shows that are on right now. no porn. no sportscenter. just shit on top of shit on top of shit. talk to you later.

Monday, September 19, 2005

New me. That is what today starts.....a new me. Starting today im cutting back drinking to 1 day a week, eating better, and using the gym membership that i pay for and never use. Yes i did say drinking 1 day a week. Ok, there might be some sort of exemption at some point, but for the most part 1 day is it. Whats this for you ask? Its for me. I have to start taking better care of myself and make myself better in the process. Since I started working for Cingular, I have gained about 40 lbs. Yeah thats alot for 4 years. Im just not happy with myself, havent been for a while. Hopefully everything is going to take a turn for the better within the next month or so. I had an interview for a new position within the company last week and it went really well. For those of you who dont know, I have hated my job since the first day I took it two years ago. Yeah, thats a long time to hate your job, but it pays the bills. Dont get me wrong, I take care of shit that i need to and I have a store right now that broke records for us last month which means a bad ass paycheck for me. Im trying to save up right now because around the first of the year i plan on moving out of my house. Havent really looked at the fees and shit involved and probably dont want to, but i guess i should. I guess my moving kinda still lies on where my ex (her name is to remain anonymous) and i stand at that time. I think even if we do work stuff out i might still have to move closer to work. I really wish i was stong enough to be her friend and be ok with that. She has been my best friend for almost 5 years and i just cant be ok with being in her life and watching her move on. weakness on my part i guess, but i cant help it. enough about that, didnt mean to get on that topic. my life where it is right now is kinda like quick sand, i can stay where i am and survive, but the more i try to get out, the deeper in i get. well, my favorite football team is playing the team i hate the most tonight. Thats right, my WASHINGTON REDSKINS are playing the dallas cowboys on monday night football. Sorry for the change in font size, but you know, I just dont like the fuckers. Although i have been born and raised in Dallas, I have never been a cowboys fan. Dont really know why, but its nice to go to the game and root against the cowboys just to irritate the fans. Makes me smile just thinking about it. Well I guess i should get off of here and get something done. Going to the gym i guess.
chunkin dueces


Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Sobriety is different. I havent had a drink since Sunday. Quit laughing, it might sound weak to you, but after the shit that I've been through, one day seems too long without alcohol. I couldn't sleep for shit last night. Didn't get to sleep until after 3am and I had to be at the office this morning for an interview. It went well, at least I think. Do you ever get to the point that you are so tired you can't sleep? That is how I have been all day. Since I have come home about 4, I havent been able to sleep since. Shit going through my mind all day about everything. I wish I could just relax and take my mind off of everything. I can't even stay on one subject and not go all over the place. Take everything that I have written up until now for example. I seriously have been typing this for about 20 mins and I still haven't got shit worth reading. Well, on that note, Im going to go to sleep and try to make it past one more day. Every day under my belt is one step closer to not such shitty of a week, which leads to not too shitty of a month and not that shitty of a year. Pretty shitty, huh.

Sunday, September 11, 2005


Thank god its football season! I am so fucking bored of watching baseball highlights that i could shoot myself. Actually, I would shoot myself for other reasons, but I could add that in there. Weekend of upsets with college and pros, but we will not talk about that. Went out last night to the Southern Junction for a friends birthday. Very eventful....I guess. Nothing much really happened, got drunk. What's new. Not a very eventful weekend at all actually. I've been keeping this a secret from you guys until now....I'm making a movie. Yeah that's fucking right. Movie. Nothing major, but something I can do to occupy my time. When everything finishes, I will have a bit more information on it and will have a link to show some photos from it and some clips. You will have to stay tuned for it and keep checking back. We went to the scoreboard tonight. If you dont know what the scoreboard is, it is a little hole in the wall here in Rockwall and if you get in to town I highly recommend going. Tonight is the first time I have been there and I have to say....not bad. A small place with some pool tables and shuffleboard and crap. Cheap beer always gets me hooked on a place. Besides, who can turn down a place where it has a pic like this. Talk to you later.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

What's new? I know you are asking that. Thanks for whoever sent me the link to AA on the comments. bitch. So I talked myself out of going to work today. Not necessarily a bad idea. I fixed the stereo on my truck and cleaned the hell out of my computer room. My blog is fucking boring. Who the fuck cares if I cleaned my computer room. Apparently you do cause you are reading it. Anyways me and Pat went to Applebees for the $1 drafts and I'll be goddamned if they were good. Well we are at home right now and drinking some rum and coke debating on going out to a bar close by to listen to shitty music and look at married women who are fat and mostly ugly. I love this city. Talk to you tomorrow when I am a little more sober and alot more together. Word to your mother.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Wow. Today is a tough day. I encourage you to check out my ex's blog.

You know how little things can trigger the emotional outburst you have kept inside for a while? Yeah, it's one of those days. Let's start at the beginning. Started off today by seeing my new office at work. Holy shit. I had a desk bigger than that in 3rd grade. My key doesn't work to lock my drawer or cabinet. They didn't move my computer stuff from the old building and I think someone left skidmarks in my new chair. Either way, the day of unpacking boxes began. Around lunch time, someone has the great idea of going to Hooters. Might sound like a good idea at the time, but its not. Overcrowded erect business men slapping and grabbing ass is not my idea of a good time. Ok, maybe it is my idea of a good time without the business men there. When we get back I find out that there have been some new job postings for us. One of them I am supposed to have a lock on from what I have been told. Anyways, apply for that, fuck off some more by shooting hoops at my mini basketball thing at my crowded desk, bullshit around with people that I don't want to injure in my office and go the hell home. Just as I get relaxed and start getting to sleep, Pat comes home and wakes me up to go to his parent's house for his sister's birthday. No nap. Go over there and eat way too much mexican food and now here I am. Get an email from my ex today about her new blog. Somethings in there I know, but I just don't want to think about. Her calling me her ex just doesn't seem right. 4 fucking years and I had to go and fuck it up. I don't understand. I keep telling myself that if she wanted to be with me she would be with me. Why the fuck do I keep on with this shit? If I had half of my shit together in my head I would just tell her not to talk to me anymore at all and save myself some real pain. I have never had anyone lead me around like she has been doing to me. There are plenty of other girls out there that could make me happy and would love me for who I am, but it's not about that. True love only happens once, I believe that. The fucked up thing is, true love for you might not be true love for the other person. It's like me seeing the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with living her life with someone else. That fucking hurts. If I never talked to her again, I would save myself from holding on to something that's not there. I would save myself from having to hear her say, "I'm kinda seeing someone now and I think it's best if we quit talking." What the fuck! I can't stop loving her. I just fucking can't. Call me a pussy, make fun of me, I do it every day, but I just fucking can't stop. Well after that little trip down suicide lane, I think I'm going to go hit the bottle and count the rounds left in the 9. Either that or look at porn.......maybe a little of both. Imagine that.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Ah....the beauty of waking up without a hangover. Somehow I kinda wanted one. I for sure asked for it by drinking heineken. Looks like the fun is over tomorrow. Back to work. Have I mentioned I hate my job? Well, consider this my warning. I will bitch about this alot. Don't get me wrong, I make good money and I really don't have to do much, but this is overshadowed by my true hatred for my job. Not going to go off on much of a tangent tonight because I am tired and don't feel like going through all of this. So what's been happening? Not much here. blah blah blah. Look, it's Monday night and I am tired as shit and am ready for bed at 9pm. What the fuck is wrong with me? Well, I'm going to go for now, but I'll be back with a vengence tomorrow.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

$4.32 That is what it costed me to become retardedly full and sickly. Cici's is one of the best and worst creations that have been bestowed upon us in the past 100 years. There is a bit of a story that leads up to that. We went swimming yesterday and what is swimming without alcohol. Malibu? Bud light? Crown Royal? Pick your poison. For me, I chose all of the above. And really what is a good drunk state without a good buffet to put you over the edge. If Pancho's wasn't so far away, they would have gotten the business, but they might not have wanted it. Sometimes I like to think that their earnings for the third quarter have somehow been depleated thanks to the gang. Really an uneventful day for a Saturday. Watched Mean Girls(stop laughing, you have too) and drank a bit. nothing much more.

September brings forth my favorite time of year. Football season. After 7 months of withdrawal, the tv will most likely stay on some sort of football for the next 5 months on all Saturday and Sundays. This is one of the few things right now that makes me happy. What happened to Oklahoma? What happened to A&M? Good football day. Tomorrow will bring the Florida St./Miami game. Should be a good one. The one thing that I don't like about this time of year is the gambling. I have a big gambling bug that strikes me during football season. Restrained myself to one game yesterday and won. Tough not to play today, but I'm doing good so far.

Why is Christmas getting so close? Think about it. Halloween, Thanksgiving, then it's here. Not far away people. I'll wait til the last minute as I always do. I don't have many to buy for this year. Going to be my first holiday season alone in 5 years. Weird. Don't really look forward to it. Enough about me. I get off on tangents and don't stop for a while. Guess I better get to work cleaning up and getting ready for a house full of people. Time to get drunk and over indulge myself with food. Imagine that.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Ouch. Let's talk about alcohol since it is freshly on my mind. Last night we went out and had a pretty good time. Got to the bar we really wanted to go to about 45 mins away and then realized that Ted had left his wallet at my house. I'm not a fighting person, but I could have punched that mofo in his face. Not like it was cheap to get out there($3.09/gallon). Really I shouldn't bitch. I've found myself over the past few days not bitching as much about stuff that really doesn't matter. I ran into a couple of people from New Orleans over the past week or so and have gained alot of insight. I guess it took me actually meeting someone who lost their house, or who haven't heard from a relative down there in weeks for me to realize that those pictures on tv are real. It seems almost like it's not real, but it is. I am going to get off the hurricane subject for now, but keep in mind those people lost everything they had. Quit putting it off like I have been doing and give something. I don't mean to sound like Jerry Lewis, but every dollar counts.

Actually I'm not done with the hurricane stuff. What the fuck are those people thinking that are walking out of WalMart with tv's and shit. Maybe they can plug it in when they get home and....oh yeah their fucking house isn't there. Oh, then maybe they should just come out and start shooting at the rescue helicopters and the police. Good idea. I really am not a mean person, but those people have what's coming to them. Burn in hell looters, burn in hell indeed.

Ok, back to last night. First I'll introduce you to the supporting cast. Ted, Kenny, and Wayne. Between the four of us, we have known each other since at least junior high. Ted is married to a great girl named Jennifer. For some reason though, he has not really got out of the partying phase in his life. Let me tell you from experience, it hurts the relationship if you go get drunk with the boys all the time. (see my past relationship) :( Kenny is a lifetime student. Has a girlfriend that is crazy about him and possibly a little crazy all together. We traveled back to the old stomping grounds in Mesquite last night to enjoy seeing all the people we tried to get away from by moving away. Too many shots, too much beer, and somehow we all kinda got fucked on our tab. On 3 tabs, $130? Maybe. Shit I drink too much. That was capped off with a trip to the local IHOP at about 3 am. KEEP THIS IN MIND!!!!! As good as the big country breakfast is, it is not a good idea after you have been drinking all night. No excuses. Don't do it. It's kinda like fucking a fat chick, might sound like a good idea after getting drunk, but have some restraint. You will regret it in the morning. I did. Waking up to the sound of your stomach rejecting $130 worth of alcohol and a $9 breakfast is not a good thing. Not too much detail, I'll just say I hurt.

I texted my ex last night. Don't sound so dissapointed. I kinda regret doing it, kinda not. Alcohol does weird things to you. I told her that I was thinking of her and I missed her and I loved her. All true, but I really need to stop doing this to myself. This is where I need your help. I know what most of you will say, but tell me something that helped you out in the past, give me some advice on what I should do. After 3 amazing years together and one year that I fucked up, I got the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" thing. That hurts. I've been everything she wanted me to ever be lately to show her that I really love her and I'm willing to do anything for her and I'm sorry for fucking stuff up. She says there is too much resentment towards me to get back together. I said it's better if we don't talk anymore. help.

Until then, I will continue wasting away the hours and the days with alcohol by my side and a good porn on the computer. Imagine that.

Friday, September 02, 2005

OK. Here we go. First time doing this and we are going to see how it works out. Let me get started by giving you a little info about myself. I am a 24 year old male that lives in Rockwall, TX. That's right, the island. If there are some of you who do not know what I am talking about, there is one way on and one way off of this place. A 4 mile bridge usually ends up turning into a 30 min ride down the realization that even though you left Mesquite, you are still here. As they say. "you can take the boy out of Mesquite, but you cant take Mesquite out of the boy." Dont ask me who says that exactly, I really dont fucking care. I recently ended a 4 year relationship with my now ex-fiance, so I suppose that it is a good time to start my life over. At least that is what I tell myself to keep from downing the last of the tylenol pm that I have. I really wish I wasnt such a pussy when it comes to stuff like that. She walks all over me and the only thing that I do is treat her like a queen. GROW SOME NUTS!!! Speaking of nuts, I am a recent survivor of ball cancer. Thanks the applause are greatly appreciated, but I should share one thing. I actually thought I had ball cancer, turns out it was just some bump on my ball, but its a better conversation starter to say I'm a survivor! Pictures of my sonogram are soon to come on here. And, you're welcome in advance. Now that I start writing I realize that I actually have alot of shit to talk about. Most of it is boring and you might give me bad feedback. Tough shit.
So let's get back on track. I live with my roommate which has been one of my best friends for a long ass time. He is 29 and goes through as much shit with women as any man I've ever seen. Most nights consist of us getting drunk and calling people in our phonebooks until someone gives in and brings us something to eat. Living in the same shitty, oops i mean city, are two of my friend that just got married in June. Congrats to them. Hey I was supposed to get married in May. Thanks for rubbing that in for me. They are both happy though, so I am happy for them. Roommates name is Pat, friends are Jason and Lindsay. Forgot to throw that in there. Last one that escaped Mesquite is Wayne. He is currently in his 6th year(maybe 7th) of college. Hell he has more patience than me. I went for 2 and got bored and lucked out with a bad ass job. More power to him. He currently lives in Denton and commutes down here most weekends to get drunk. Cant blame him. There are some more people that I will introduce you to when the time comes. For now that is all you need.
Let's talk about something interesting. RELATIONSHIPS.
I put that in caps because it is a big fucking deal. I have said there are 2 things that shouldn't be hard in life. Golf and relationships. Truth is they are hard as hell and I suck at both of them. What I think ruins it for guys is Billy Crystal and Tom Hanks. Yeah I said it. Scrutinize me if you will. When Harry Met Sally, You've Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle. Don't get me wrong, I've watched them all a few times, you have too. Not bad movies actually, but they are what I like to call (get ready to write this down, I'll use it alot) THUNDER STEALERS. Those movies steal any hope that you might have in making the love of your life happy. How many times have you heard, "Why can't you do that?" or "That's so sweet." Right there you are at a disadvantage. When she is laying beside you at night after the movie, she is thinking about how sweet those guys are and how all you want to do is face fuck her. True as that is, we both have to realize that we have to compromise in this relationship thing. Take her out to dinner, hold her at night, watch when harry met sally for fuck's sake. Ladies, you dont get off this easy. It's not all about you. Let us face fuck you here and there, make the first move, do something that makes us feel special. Listen, I didn't mean for this to get emotional and shit, kinda just went there. Ok, we will continue this later. Wayne just got here and we are going to get drunk. Imagine that.